Oooops, I totally forgot the 8th anniversary of HouseGoesHome.
Wow, eight years … that’s epic.
I only remembered the milestone because I was having writer’s block about a topic for today’s post. I was searching around in the archives for inspiration when I suddenly spotted that HouseGoesHome had its first-ever post on July 28, 2011.
And what a mess I was back then!
The blog mainly focussed on my ineptitude as a stay-at-home mum and anger at my husband. I didn’t realise I was angry with my husband at the time. It’s only when I read old blog posts that I wince at the passive aggression they contain.
I said so many things that were totally out of line.
An angry virtual stranger once told me that I deserved to lose my husband because of my blog. As is often the way with opinionated strangers, they only knew a sliver of my story. My marriage was in big trouble way before the blog. It just documented the final years of its decline.
But I wish I’d been a bit kinder now that I look back. I certainly didn’t help the marital situation with the things I said.
But our marriage would have ended regardless. We’d lost our spark and it wasn’t coming back.
As I’ve noted previously, getting dumped was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me in many ways.
I was forced to climb back out of the rut I’d fallen into. And I resolved to make some personal changes, which was ironic since I’d told my ex that he should love me just the way I was and not expected me to be something I wasn’t just to please him.
I understand now that there’s joy in pleasing someone else, so long as you don’t compromise your values in the process.
My eyes have been opened to many things in the five years since my marriage ended.
Quite literally in some ways.
I look at things more closely and find beauty everywhere.
I didn’t “see” my husband any more, not his appearance, not what was underneath. He pulled me up on it when we were raking through our relationship ashes.
In case you missed my explanation the first time …
After we separated, he told me we’d become the antithesis of scene in Avatar when Neytiri holds the disabled Jake in his human form, looks into his eyes and says: “I see you.”
As Jay Michelson of the Huffington Post explains:
In the Na’Vi cosmology, what’s really happening is the Ai’Wa in me is connecting with the Ai’Wa in you. This is echoed in their greeting, “I see you,” a direct translation of the Sanskrit Namaste, which means the same thing. (“Avatar” is also from the Sanskrit, though the film plays on the word’s two meanings of an image used in a role-playing game, and a deity appearing on Earth.) As the Na’Vi explain in the film, though, “I see you” doesn’t mean ordinary seeing – it, like Namaste, really means “the God in me sees the God in you.” I see Myself, in your eyes.
My husband and I had stopped “seeing” each other. We simply coexisted.
In my relationship with DD I’m conscious of holding onto the fascination and making sure familiarity doesn’t breed contempt.
And I never tire of looking at his face, especially when he relaxes and glimmers of a younger, less circumstance-battered him appear.
I hope I never look back at HouseGoesHome and realise I’ve used it as a weapon against him.
I wonder how many more years HouseGoesHome has left in it? I often have moments when I wonder why I keep laying myself bare in a public diary each week.
But I’m still enjoying it, so I suppose the journey continues until the joy is gone?
Thank you to everyone who dips into the blog each week and touches base with me every now and then to let me know they’re there.
I really appreciate your support.
Happy belated birthday HouseGoesHome … and here are the Top 8 posts of the past eight years … it’s an illustrious line-up …