Ever imagined being ravished by a triceratops?

Here’s a little something to make you feel MUUUUCH better about any weird sexual fantasies you’ve ever secretly harboured: there are women who write books about women being boned by dinosaurs and they’re VERY popular.

No, I am not kidding.

Alara Branwen and Christie Sims are two twentysomethings who have co-author of erotic novels including Taken by the T-Rex, Ravished by the Triceratops and In the Velociraptor’s Nest.

When asked why women might get off on reading about dinosaur sex, Alara told Huffington Post: “I think it’s because dinosaur erotica appeals to our more base, carnal natures. Some people also probably like the idea of a big, powerful, massive male roughly having sex with a smaller female. It’s like the ultimate sexual experience with an alpha male, which is something that we are all inherently wired to enjoy. At least, I think so anyway.”

And, in TMI territory, Huff Po asked if sex with a T-Rex might be tricky because of his short arms and got this answer: “Sadly yes, the shorter arms make it hard for the creature to balance himself. That limits the positions that he can take part in. Any part of the kama sutra that requires holding your partner are out of the question. That’s usually fine though, the power in his hind legs more than make up for his lack of upper-body support. Short arms are also why male T-rexes are the most voracious in looking for mates. They can’t ‘relieve themselves’ by themselves, so they have to have someone ‘help them’, if you know what I mean.”

Erm, yes, unfortunately I’m getting a very vivid picture.

The women got into writing the beastly books after tiring of working in a supermarket to pay their way through college. The on-line novels are mostly under 20 pages and sell for $2.99 a pop on Amazon. The women won’t reveal how much they’ve actually made from them, but say: “Combined, [we] make more money than our friend who has been working as an engineer at Boeing for a few years.”

Now, you know you secretly want a little sample of what women and dinosaurs actually get up to when things get raunchy … so here goes …

From In the Velociraptor’s Nest:

A reptilian tongue, stiff and hot, dashed out to lick at the tender, naked flesh so suddenly exposed. Azog gasped at the touch, then gradually relaxed as her body warmed to the intoxicating sensation of the beast’s flesh against her own

From Taken by the Pterodactyl:

She fully expects to be eaten by the massive beast, but when it starts to peck her clothes away, leaving her naked, she begins to understand that the pterodactyl might have another, more deviant use for the young virgin. But can Dianne accommodate such a massive creature?

The whole thing just makes me giggle, which I’m not sure is the correct response. How about you? Sorry if  you’re feeling a bit “My eyes, my eyes! I can’t unsee it!” (Especially after I showed you those celebrity orgasm faces on Saturday.)