Venus and Mars

My New Year’s Eve went something like this … Cooked bacon sandwiches for Sprogs’ breakfast (to remove temptation from fridge for The Great Famine of 2012); did grocery shopping; bought Husband six-pack of beer for New Year’s Eve party; bought chooks 25kg bag of scratch mix; staggered to car with 25kg bag of scratch mix; washed and […]

Out damn spot

I can’t donate my organs because of The Black Spot. Well, that’s what my mother reckons. When I was 17, a black spot appeared on my upper arm. The skin specialist removed it, sent it off for testing, pronounced it benign and that was the end of it. Well, so I thought. But not according to my mother. […]

The Great Famine of 2012

The Great Faminine of 2012 begins on January 1. I’m preparing for it like a chipmunk storing nuts for winter. Except I’m eating all the nuts instead of putting them in a hollow tree trunk. I’ve been stuffing my cheeks with everything on my forbidden food list. All the carb-rich foods I’ve denied myself because […]

Night terrors

I slept with Darth Vader last night. It was awful. The heavy breathing drove me insane. I’m never doing it again. I’ve been sharing a bed with Sprog 2 at my parents’ house. I thought it would be less hassle – no pumping of air-mattresses, no washing of extra bed linen. The first 30 minutes […]

Have I forgotten something?

I always forget that “self-catering” is tourism-speak for “bring the entire contents of your house with you”. So I was slightly underprepared for our stay on the Central Coast. Admittedly, only packing two fitted sheets for each bed didn’t help. And it wasn’t really the fibro house’s fault that I only brought two beach towels […]

Festive squatting

Christmas was supposed to be in my sister’s backyard. But we went to someone else’s place instead. They weren’t there. It was fantastic*. We lounged around on their outdoor setting, used their cutlery and plates, filled their fridge with grog, filled their wheelie bin with prawn heads, splashed around in their pool. It was like having a holiday house for free. Husband found the pool […]

Job wanted: Santa sack stuffer

I’ve found my new vocation: Santa sack stuffer. I reckon I’ve outdone myself this year. Twenty-six gifts for each Sprog. Some tiny, some cheap, some practical, some dodgy, some edible, some adorable. The Sprogs will wake any minute and I know they’ll be stoked. I think I might go professional next year. Perfect job – six months on, six […]

Al’s Christmas message

Russell never thinks Trisha will expose his infidelity to his wife. Even after he shags her for two years, then stops returning her calls. He ignores the email she sends, demanding an explanation. This unceremonious dumping makes Trisha angry, really angry. She wants revenge. She waits for her moment and she strikes …  I’ve been catching up on some reading while I’ve been sick. In between […]

Luna fark

Hangover? Check. Flu? Check. Four kids? Check. Heavy rain? Check. Visit to Luna Park? Check … Not my ideal running sheet for a fun day out. But I’d promised the Sprogs (and their cousin and Sprog 1’s best friend), so I struggled out of bed and went. Not that staying in bed was an option with the cleaners due at 10am. I […]