Pants down, hands held, hold on tight …


There have been quite a few revelations over the past week about what ACTUALLY happened in my life a year ago … when I met DD … as opposed to what I blogged was happening (see Secret Messages).

This might be the strangest.

DD and I had been texting each other like crazed, dopamined animals for three days when my appointment to have an IUD inserted arrived.

The IUD insertion had nothing to do with meeting DD, it just happened to coincide with it. I’d decided it was worth trying an IUD to solve my  down-there problems before resorting to muffler-removal-through-tailpipe surgery.

I was a bit terrified about having the IUD inserted because I’d been told all these horror stories by people about how awful it could be.

So DD “virtually” held my hand via text message while I was in the waiting room, which was a bit bizarre considering he’d only met me once in a suburban pub for an hour.

DD finally got a brief respite from the mad redhead he’d only just met on RSVP when I was ushered into the gyno’s office.

Surprisingly, the procedure itself was uncomfortable rather than painful. A bit like a Pap smear but longer, because the gyno had a bit of trouble getting past my casarean scarring, plus my womb is (apparently) on a funny angle.

Although, it was quite surreal to have a cheery gyno’s head peering up from between my thighs, discussing how he hoped the insertion was going well because he’d hate to get a negative review on my blog.

Later that day, DD hopped on a plane to the United States for some intense cross-Pacific texting with me for the next 10 days … and I popped into the city to get my hair coloured. The lucky bastard got upgraded to First Class, too. Sent me a smug picture of himself with a glass of champagne, which I immediately forwarded to my mother for her verdict on the bloke I’d just met.

Being a huge fan of champagne and professional types with grey hair, Mum was most impressed.

As for the whole IUD thing, it turned out to be a complete disaster. I’d been thinking it would be the answer to all my problems, but my body didn’t like it AT ALL.

Three months of misery followed – just what you need when you’re embarking on your first relationship post-separation from your partner of 23 years – until the fateful night my uterus decided enough was enough and expelled the IUD in a gory, Friday 13th manner.

DD and I texted our way through that little drama too, as I contemplated my own mortality.

And then DD got to hold my hand again, this time in real life, when he took me to the gyno so we could discuss Plan B.

I still wasn’t keen on the muffler-through-tailpipe option, so we chose womb razing under general anaesthetic in hospital … with the ex dropping me off and DD picking me up …

It’s been fun times for DD dating me. Fun times.

Too much information?

Song of the day: The Beatles “I wanna hold your hand”



12 thoughts on “Pants down, hands held, hold on tight …

  1. Alana

    On the upside if DD is still here after a Friday the 13th start then he in it for the long haul. Sometimes being a woman is just amazing. It’s like the time my husband had to recently clean me up from vomit and wee from a migraine where I just couldn’t do anything for myself I’m sure that never factored in when he was saying his vows of better or worse.

    Much love

    • Migraines sound REVOLTING. My friend has similar issues to you, poor things. I’ve had the occasional jagged lines in my vision, bit of nausea, bit of head pain, but NOTHING like that.

  2. A new girlfriend, some years ago, had similar “down there” issues and it was very confronting but we managed to get through all the problems…I adored her so it was not an issue for me.

    Unfortunately, when my cancer reared it’s ugly head, it all got too much….

    You’re very lucky to have found each other and, like Cathy says, I reckon that DD’s a “keeper”!

    Now, how much does he know about cars…?😃

    • Oh, he tries to talk the torque … but I have my suspicions he’s bluffing. That is rough that your issues were too much for your girlfriend after going through her stuff.

  3. Remember my comment the other day when I said I don’t get anxious at all…I think I lied.. that picture makes me anxious! However this story is so fantastic…that you really need to get DD to blog his side of the story because that is hilarious that you were texting him during gyno visits. Write a book know you should.

    • DD keeps threatening to write a blog post, but so far … mind you there are quite a few stolen excerpts from him peppered through my blogs … He did think it was very entertaining to be having such intimate discussions about birth control with me after only meeting me for an hour in a pub

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