I want my collagen back


I can remember being very cocky – at age 34 and pre-kids – about being able to wear T-shirts without bras.

I had lots and lots of collagen back then, which kept everything pointing in the right direction.

I miss all that collagen.

I want it back.

Collagen is the fibrous protein that gives structure to your skin, signs of its loss are wrinkles and sagging of skin. Around the age of 25 to 30, you start to lose 1.5% of your collagen every year. By the time you get to my age, your body has lost so much that your skin starts to resemble one of your kids’ old, stretched rashies.

I spent most of the past 10 years – when I still had a fair whack of collagen – never wearing sleeveless outfits because I was worried about my bingo arms.

Pfffft! Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone?

But recently I started thinking, bugger it, I’m going to wear whatever I like.

Especially when freak heatwaves hit in October.

So I pulled on a singlet top for work last week and checked myself out in the mirror and discovered bingo arms were the least of my problems. I thought … hang on, my skin is overflowing from my bra. 

I thought maybe it was just a crap bra, so I tried on all my other ones and, sigh, loose skin pokes up and over the elastic and out the sides in every single one of them.

I briefly considered changing tops, but since I start work at 6am there’s not a lot of time built into the morning for last-minute outfit panics, so I just went with it and hoped no one would notice my excess back and side skin.

Note to self: no one DOES notice your excess back and side skin. They are too busy worrying about their own lives and far more important matters.

Why am I telling you this story?

Well, I went to a Verducci party yesterday afternoon at my lovely friend Mel’s house. Mel really knows how to make a Verducci party rock. She serves awesome Moscow Mules and yummy meatballs. Talk about an unbeatable combo!

Verducci is the Tupperware of the fashion world. A hostess runs you through a season’s worth of fashion designs then everyone races off to the bedroom to try lots of stuff on.

Being freshly embarrassed by my low collagen output, I hid in a separate bedroom to try things on, while everyone else giggled in another room together, pulling their clothes off with gay abandon.

The Verducci range isn’t my normal cup of tea, but I must say the woman who designs it really knows her market. The styles are extremely good at hiding your low-collagen bits.

I was in a bit of a rush to drink Alicante Bouchet with DD – who turned out to be unexpectedly passing through the neighbourhood – so I didn’t have time to try everything on, but I did get a top in one of my three favourite fashion colours – cobalt blue (the other two are orange and khaki) – and a pair of the most amazing fitted pants. The pants have high tops with really wide elastic that flattens your low-collagen/stretched/over-meatballed tummy rather nicely.

NOTHING mushrooms over the top – they are magic pants.

I briefly contemplated buying them in every colour, but decided to go with a basic black pair for now, made all the more appealing because for some reason I’m a size 10 in Verducci. (Probably a ruse to make people buy more stuff, but I ain’t knocking it.)

So thank you Mel for introducing me to magic pants.

Now, someone just needs to design magic singlet tops and my summer is made.

A girl can dream …

Do you have a favourite fashion colour? 

Song of the day: Joni Mitchell “Big Yellow Taxi”



10 thoughts on “I want my collagen back

  1. Pink of course. I like cobalt blue and turquoise and anything bright as well. Never pastels. Pastels make me look like a corpse. It’s funny because I noticed the side spillage on Saturday before going to lunch and had to pop a jacket on to hide everything. Can I get these magic pants online?

    • Maybe I could have a party when you are on the coast and you could come !!! Unless of course you want them earlier than whenever you are going to be here and I manage to tee up a party time !!!

    • We sound very peacocky in our favourite colours! Do you think other people notice the spillage? I’m thinking it’s just us – I don’t recall noticing it on anyone else.

  2. This comment really amused me “Pfffft! Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone?” – mainly because I say the same thing to myself countless times !!! All the times I worried about how fat I was and how large my butt was and how flabby my arms were – those times were nothing to what they are now !!!!!!

  3. Yep! It’s Big Yellow Taxi Town here! I’ve been looking in the mirror and being hyper-critical about my appearance for my whole life. I remember being 24 and thinking I’d already lost my youthful bloom. WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS. Then at the MATRONLY-ol’ age of 34 (after having 2 children) I threw out a bunch of beautiful clothes because I feared I’d look like ‘mutton-dressed-as-lamb’ WOW! What an idiot. And how sad.

    I’m 44 now. I’m still an idiot who places an unhealthy amount of importance on looks – only my own looks though. I can easily find beauty (inner and outer) in others. I’m trying to embrace your philosophy of just wearing whatever the hell I want because, it’s only going down-hill from here as far as the ‘wear and tear’ goes.

    Enjoy those pants, Alana. They sound great!

    • Bit like getting the driver’s licence photo taken and only going for the five year one because you’re worried about how terrible you look … it ain’t going to be prettier five years on when it’s time to get another! But embrace 44 – it’s brilliant – much better than almost 48!

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