One of my all-time favourite bloggers, Pinky Poinker, wrote a post last year called On My Deathbed. She pondered what life’s really about and asked the curly question “What matters to YOU in life?”
I felt a bit spooked after reading it. A few hours earlier I’d wailed on my blog: “I don’t know what I want!”
But, as soon as I saw Pinky’s question, the answer was obvious. I wrote in her comments section: “Love pretty much sums it up for me.”
I later noted: “Not hearts and flowers love, though that would be awesome. And I hope it crosses my path again one day, because it’s a dazzling thing. The love I’m talking about encompasses all its Googly forms …”
It’s a bit like I’m marking time, waiting for my real life to begin.
Except this IS my real life.
And being alone makes me realise my new life needs to be a fulfilling one that’s not just about keeping my kids fed, dressed and happy.
I mean, they’re really, really important. But so am I.
What makes me happy?
I can’t be reliant on sucking the marrow of love from those around me to keep emotionally afloat.
It has to come from within.
A lot has changed since then. I’m much better at being alone now. I don’t need the music turned up loud to drown out the silence. I don’t sob in the shower because my kids are on holidays without me. I’m as close to content as I’ve been for a very, very long time.
But one thing that hasn’t changed – I still think love is all you need.
Well, that and the AWESOME back paid School Kids Allowance I just received from the government.
I didn’t even know such a glorious thing existed.
Bless it. And damn the government for abolishing it from January 2016.
In the meantime, my credit card bill thanks you.
What matters to you in life?
Song of the day: Moulin Rouge Love Medley