We need to talk


When I tell people I’m dating someone who doesn’t talk much they start to giggle. They remark that it shouldn’t be a problem because I talk enough for two people.

I think I’m getting a reputation.

I’m not used to dating someone who doesn’t talk much.

Journalists can talk underwater. Put them together at a dinner party and it’s like cage fighting except with words and lots of alcohol.

I didn’t realise that DD wasn’t a talker at first, because we spent the first two weeks of our relationship texting.

DD is a prolific texter. We’ve toned it down from our heady 500-texts-a-day early months, but we still exchange vast swathes of messages.

However, in person he’s quite happy to go looooong stretches without conversation. Like, a whole 10 minutes at a time. I think he’d go even longer, but I can’t cope and start to blather.

He says he’s quite happy for me to talk at him incessantly. Although he has trouble following me sometimes because it’s like I’m “having 10 conversations at once.”

We had yum cha last weekend and he barely said a word. When I complained afterwards about a lack of “chitter chat” he replied: “But I talked yesterday!”

Sigh. Yes, you did. You talked (a little bit) yesterday.

We don’t get to see each other much because of work and kids, so most of our interaction is via text message. We don’t even call that often.

When we do catch up, it takes me a while to get the hang of the no-talking thing again. But, once I’m back into the groove, it’s actually very peaceful.

DD is a calming influence on me.

I love not worrying that he might fly off the handle. I did so much of that in my marriage towards the end.

My life has never been zen. It makes a lovely change.

Though it can be a little panic-inducing when my brain fills the silence with what it imagines he’s thinking.

My brain is a little cracked, so it tends to imagine the worst.

But mainly it’s beautifully peaceful because  – when I’m not going off on anxiety-fuelled tangents – I know he’s just a quiet person.

It doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

Everything is just right.

Is your partner a chatterbox or the strong, silent type? Are you the opposite? 

Song of the day: Talk Talk “Talk Talk”



8 thoughts on “We need to talk

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  1. The 3 of us (me, myself and I) get along just fine! I don’t talk too much to myself and texting is sometimes a problem for me but, other than that, all is well in this partnership…😏

  2. I am a chatterbox. in fact it’s a problem. I would love to talk less. I work with three men and all day long I chat chat chat and I can tell it annoys them. My partner is the same as yours..I just asked him and he said “you’re a chatterbox, but it doesn’t worry me, just tell me all your stories and I’ll keep being quiet”.

  3. My husband is also a quiet one. When we are driving anywhere – locally or on holiday – we can go for an hour or two with neither of us saying anything. I’m really quiet when I meet people but once I know them, man watch out, because I can talk the hind leg off a donkey but when it’s just Al and I, the silence is not an uncomfortable silence – I’m not sure how I would handle living with someone who talked a lot. Actually – sometimes he does talk a lot – about his job – and the sites he is working on – and I’ve picked up a fair bit of what he does and can hold a reasonable conversation about them BUT I have been known to just tune out when he talks work sometimes.

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