A lovely electronic friend asked me how I was yesterday.
She was worried about me being lonely without my kids and wanted to know if I was missing them.
She wrote: “They can be a bastard like that – drive you nuts when they are there, then break your heart when they’re not!”
I replied: “I used to really miss them but I am used to my new normal now. But I do feel a bit miz some mornings when the house is so silent and empty.”
The feeling was worse when I had PMT earlier this week but it’s eased now.
After our exchange, I started to worry that maybe I should be missing them more: was I an emotionally stunted mum for not weeping into my pillow at night?
I decided a while ago that I can’t let myself succumb to the ache. There’s nothing I can do about the stretches when I don’t have my kids.
Part of me wants them sleeping here in their beds every night of the week. Part of me resents (a lot) that they’re not.
I want this to be their home. I don’t want them to have two homes. I don’t want them to go on holidays without me.
But they are having a brilliant time in the snow, it would be selfish for me to want them all to myself.
They get to have two totally separate, lovely lives.
It’s double the fun.
But geez it’s quiet at my place. Especially when I’m working from home – like I was yesterday – and you don’t have any plans for the evening.
If I didn’t have the bloody dogs I could pop up to see DD.
But I do have the bloody dogs and can’t find a single person willing to mind them or, at the very least, let them out for a wee.
A local teenage boy was supposed to mind them, but he’s ditched me for a hot date. Marlene the dog sitter is in Europe. Marlene’s daughter in law (and fellow dog sitter) is booked up. The local kennel is full. Friends who I’d normally lean on have plans or are away for school hols. My sister and her hubby are out celebrating his birthday.
Blah. Blah. BLAH.
Let me just repeat for the 100th time: DON’T GET A DOG if you’re a single mum or there’s any chance of you becoming one.
You WILL regret it.
Yes, yes, Geoff. I know, I know. You told me …
Song of the day: Baha Men “Who let the dogs out?”