I have a terrible memory. Terrible.
Whole swathes of people and events have been erased.
How do you erase people? Especially ones who remember you, by name?
I manage it somehow.
It occurred to me this morning at the gym – I get some of my best thinking done while holding a heavy bar above my head – that I’ve forgotten just about everything, both good and bad, that my ex-husband ever said to me.
Only two remarks remain.
When I told him – post break-up – that I would always love him, he replied: “I will always hold you in the highest regard.”
Burn.
Just before we broke up we went to Bunnings and I gazed longingly at the most fabulous barbecue system, with a sink and bar fridge and wok burner.
Our barbecue was a rusted heap that he refused to replace, I suspect because he knew he wasn’t going to be using it in the future. A bit like he kept changing the subject when I tried to talk to him about replacing our rusted heap of a car.
When I expressed my desire for the whizz-bang barbecue, he intoned: “Alana, happiness is not to be found in a new barbecue.”
Burn.
As I lay in my cracked, scratched bathtub last night reading Home Beautiful and drinking wine (poor me!) it was tempting to think he was wrong about the happiness thing.
I can’t imagine be anything other than happy sitting beside this fireplace, for example …
But I have to admit he’s kinda right. One of the happiest moment I had yesterday was taking the dog for a walk. I’m lucky enough to live near some gorgeous busy scenery and my heart soared as we meandered our way through it.
It felt wonderful. And I didn’t have to eat or shop my feelings to get the buzz.
This morning, on the other hand, I’m desperate to shop my feelings and buy myself a little happiness.
Even though I can’t afford to shop I’m bleak about the day ahead – drizzly, no kids, no boyfriend, muddy dog prints to mop, dirty dishes to wash, car to clean – and tempted to buy a little something to cheer myself up.
Maybe a new pair of black sandshoes … they should be cheap at Kmart …
I’ll wash that down with a Diet Coke, give myself a temporary rush.
Then, if the weather clears, I’ll pop a natural happy pill by going on another glorious walk.
What does your Sunday hold?
Song of the day: Split Enz “Message to my girl” (sooooooo beautiful – the words make me all happy teary)
housegoeshome 
Your memory is the WORST!! lol
Miserable weather and the desire to turn around and run back home. My plans didn’t come off and I feei lousy. Almost lousy enough to face a big basket of ironing back home or take the kids to Megamania for a shop and drop play while I shop for stuff I don’t need.
Lunch today with friends here: http://crackerjackcafe.com.au/
An undiscovered gem as close to the Bay as you can get!
Remember (or perhaps not!) the movie, Crackerjack, with Mick Molloy? This was where it was filmed, at Carrum Bowling Club.
We hid under a tree opposite our house today with our four dogs while there was an open house inspection at ours. My chihuahua is finally starting to get along with my German Shepherd which makes my heart soar. Not as much as if we get an offer on the house though 😉
Sunday was pretty much a write-off. I did go see a movie but I ‘rested my eyes’ during some of it. Oh and then there was that freak hail storm that left us with inches of hail in our shade-cloth sails. Yep, that was fun.
I saw video of that hailstorm – it was insane