An easy life? Pigs might fly

My house is a total sty … insomnia is being a bore/boar … and some beastly lady plumbing procedures are being performed on me this morning … so it seems appropriate that I recall the day, exactly one year ago, that the universe sent me a pig.

IMAG1461

I wish I’d known the universe was sending me a pig – I’d have worn make-up for the selfie.

I was out walking with my friend Fee after having some sort of unpleasant interaction with my ex, which I have thankfully erased from my memory, that apparently (according to the blog) caused my eyes to leak.

About 10 minutes into my restorative walk, I heard a snorting, squealing noise and spotted a small furry creature trotting towards us.

My first thought was “Wow, that dog has some serious sinus issues …” and then I realised it was a pig.

The pig bolted straight past us.

Suspecting he was an escapee pet, I knelt down and started saying something cliched like “Here piggy, piggy!” Remarkably, it worked – he trotted over and let me pat him. I grabbed the fuzzy little porker and he started thrashing and squealing the street down. (I’ve since been told pigs bite … that would NOT have been bulk fun.)

I held onto Mr Piggy tightly … because it was extremely important that my friend Fee capture the bizarre moment on her phone … oh, and because I wanted to reunite him safely with his owner.

There are too many bizarre moments in my life that haven’t been visually recorded – like the time I saw a prawn frantically crawling down the street, trying to escape our favourite yum cha restaurant, the bloke I saw dragging a giant cross down Lane Cove Road when I was driving back from jail one time, and the other bloke carrying a giant statue of the Virgin Mary the entire length of the Pilgrim Trail in Spain.

I quickly decided the universe had sent me a pig because … it’s impossible to stay miserable when the universe sends you a pig.

Anyways, Mr Piggy’s ear-splitting squeals alerted the owner to her pet being on the loose. She shot out of her house screaming PUT HIM DOWN!!! PUT HIM DOWN!!!!

Chill, lady, I was just trying to prevent Mr Piggy becoming bacon under someone’s car wheels.

Turns out pigs don’t like being picked up because it makes them feel like prey.

So I plonked him on the ground, he hightailed it home and Fee and I continued our walk.

There will be no walking this morning because an ultrasound technician is poking a big white sonic stick thingy up my nethers at 9am.

I am NOT looking forward to it … or the miserable discussion about my options with my gyno that will follow on Monday.

Sigh.

As usual, open House will keep you posted. Male readers, you have been pre-warned.

Song of the day:  Des’ree “You gotta be”

 

 

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8 thoughts on “An easy life? Pigs might fly

  1. I had hares running across in front of us while we walked last night – Rosie was dying to go and investigate. There is no way she would have caught one – she is too lazy but if Alfie had been with me, he certainly would have given them a run for their money. The problem is he wants to sniff and pee on every tree when I take him walking plus he is harder to control, so Rosie is the one who gets to walk with me. Poor bugger – at least she must like it because when I ask if she wants to go for a walk she always goes to the garage and sits down in front of her lead.
    Have a great day !

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