The universe sent me … a pig

 

I received an unsettling text message from (ex)Husband yesterday. It wasn’t mean or nasty, just one of those inevitable milestones you face in the separation process.

It arrived before my Tuesday morning sculpt class, so I didn’t have time to process it properly. But the universe knew there was psychic pain in my future, so she tried to help.

(The universe has been very kind to me lately, as I’ve previously blogged in The Universe Sent The Sweetest Gift.)

Her first attempt to lift my spirits was to give my sculpt class a festive soundtrack. Nice try, but … as I tweeted afterwards: “I say NO to gym classes with Christmas carol soundtracks. Nooooooo!”

After sculpt, I got a bit wobbly – and not because of the dubious song choices – my eyes leaked as I drove to meet my friend Fee for a walk.

About 10 minutes into our walk, I heard the strangest snorting squealing noise and spotted a small furry creature trotting towards us. My first thought was “Wow, that dog has some serious sinus issues …” and then I realised it was a pig.

Yes, a pig. A very small, very cute pig.

The pig bolted straight past us. I suspected he was an escapee pet, so I knelt down and started saying something cliched like “Here piggy, piggy!” It worked – he trotted over and let me pat him. I grabbed the fuzzy little porker and he started thrashing and squealing the street down. (I’ve since been told pigs bite … that would NOT have been bulk fun.)

I held onto Mr Piggy tightly … because it was extremely important that Fee capture the bizarre moment on her phone … oh, and because I wanted to reunite him safely with his owner. There are too many bizarre moments in my life that haven’t been visually recorded – like the time I clocked a prawn frantically crawling away from our favourite yum cha restaurant, the bloke I saw dragging a giant cross down Lane Cove Road when I was driving back from jail one time, and the other bloke carrying a giant statue of the Virgin Mary the entire length of the Pilgrim Trail when (ex)Husband and I trekked the route. (All discussed but sadly unillustrated in a previous blog called Weird Thing I Think I Love You.)

Mr Piggy’s ear-splitting squeals alerted the owner to her pet being on the loose. She shot out of her house screaming PUT HIM DOWN!!! PUT HIM DOWN!!!!

Chill, lady, I was just trying to prevent Mr Piggy becoming bacon under someone’s car wheels.

Turns out pigs don’t like being picked up because it makes them feel like prey.

So I plonked him on the ground, he hightailed it home and we continued our walk.

It’s impossible to stay sad when you’ve caught a pig, so the rest of the day reverted to its (now) standard cheery haze.

Thank you universe, you done good. Again.

Song of the day: OMC “How bizarre”