VMA selfie madness: I’m officially too old

Around noon yesterday modern fashion and I parted ways.

I was trawling through my Instagram feed when Miley Cyrus’ outfit for the MTV Video Music Awards made my eyes go wide.

I’m sorry, but that’s NOT a frock. It’s … a belt and some rhinestones tenuously sewn together.

Even MTV described her as “basically naked.”

Yet Donatella Versace says: “Miley I am MESMERIZED!! There are no words to describe, you are above it all!!! Love Donatella X”

I’m more in the camp of the Instagram commenter who said: “Your dad needs to kick you butt send you back in the house and tell you to put some clothes on.”

Yep, I’m officially a nanna.

Many of the “frocks” Nicki Minaj and Britney Spears wore weren’t much better … ok, they were heaps better … but still waaaaaay too revealing for my taste.

Perhaps the other most questionable moment from the awards was Kanye West’s acceptance speech for winning the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. Taylor Swift graciously introduced him (kinda weird after he stormed on stage and ruined her acceptance speech in 2009) and he rambled for AGES before announcing he was running for President of the United States. Forgive me for reprinting it in full:

“I often think back to the first day that I met you. You know, I think about it when I’m in the grocery store with my daughter and I have a really great conversation about fresh juice at the you know and at the end they say, ‘Oh you’re not that bad after all.’ And I think about it sometimes like when it crosses my mind when I go to a baseball game and 60,000 people boo me. It crosses my mind. Just a little bit.

“And I think if I could do it all again, what would I have done?” he asked rhetorically. “Would I have worn a leather shirt? Would I have drank a half bottle of Hennessy and gave the rest to the audience? Y’all know you drank that bottle too.”

“If I had a daughter at that time, would I have went onstage and grabbed the mic from someone else’s… You know, this arena, tomorrow, it’s going to be a completely different set up, Some concert or something like that. The stage will be gone. After that night, the stage is gone but the effect it had on people remain.

“The problem was the contradiction, the contradiction is I do fight for artists, but in that fight I somehow was disrespectful to artists. I didn’t know how to say the right thing, the perfect thing,” he said. “I just sat at the Grammys and saw Justin Timberlake and Cee-Lo lose. Gnarls Barkley and the FutureLove SexyBack album, it broke, Justin, I ain’t trying to put you on blast, but I saw that man in tears bro. And I was thinking like he deserved to win Album of the Year! And this small box that we are as the entertainers of the evening, how could you explain that? Sometimes I feel like, all this, they run about beef and all that, sometimes I feel like I died for the artist’s opinion, for artists to be able to have an opinion after they’re successful.

“I’m not no politician, bro. You know how many times MTV ran that footage again because it got more ratings? You know how many times they announced Taylor was giving me the award because it gave them more ratings? Listen to the kids, bro! I still don’t understand awards shows! I don’t understand how they get five people who work their entire life, one sold record sold concert tickets, to come stand on the carpet and for the first time in their life be judged on the chopping block and have the opportunity to be considered a loser. I don’t understand it bro! I don’t understand when the biggest album or the biggest video, I’ve been conflicted bro, I just want people to like me! But fuck it bro! I will die for the art. For what I believe in. And the art ain’t always going to be polite.

“Y’all might be thinking right now, ‘I wonder, did he smoke something before he came out here?’ The answer is yes, I rolled up a little something. I knocked the edge off.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight, I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, bro. But all I can say to my artists, my fellow artists, just worry about how you feel at the time. Just worry about how you feel and don’t never, you know what I’m saying,” he encouraged. “I believe in myself, we the millenials bro. This is a new mentality. We not gonna control our kids with brands. We’re not going to teach low self esteem and hate to our kids. We’re going to teach our kids that they can be someone. We’re going to teach our kids that they can stand up for themselves. We’re going to teach our kids to believe in themselves. If my grandfather were here right now he would not let me back down. I don’t know what I’m gonna lose after this, I don’t care though, because it’s not about me. It’s about ideas, new ideas, people with ideas, people who believe in truth. And yes, I’ve decided in 2020 to run for president!”

Here’s a gallery of social media shots from the awards … sorry there are waaaaaaay to many Miley shots but I was so gobsmacked (especially by the fact most of them were “designer”) that I had to include them … which means I fell for her cunning plan to blitz the media …