I’m torn, should I get Sprog 1 a Roadkill Toy for Christmas (for a Roadkill history lesson click here)? I’m thinking about Smudge the Squirrel (my favourite is Grind the Rabbit, but that seems in poor taste since Mr Bunnykins joined the family). Does buying Sprog 1 a Smudge make me a bad mother? Does finding the Roadkill Toy website totally hilarious make me a bad human being?
Here’s what Roadkill Toys has to say about Smudge: “We’ve tried to make Smudge and the rest of his Squash-plushchums as life-like as possible. But not too life-like. That would be unhygienic. All the plush materials and stuffing we’ve used are made from 100% polyester fibres, and are fully compliant with British and US safety laws.
“Smudge’s body is stuffed with a mixture of beads and stuffing. The beads give the Squash-plush teddy a bit of extra weight, so he can lie in his blood pool, hugging the tarmac. The blood and guts and gore are made using the latest, cutting edge stuffing. It’s a special new micro-bead stuffing that gives the guts and organs a more malleable, tactile effect. It makes it more squidgy. More gross-out. You can disembowel Smudge by pulling the blood and innards through the zip that lines the back of the teddy carcass.
“Streaked across his flattened back there’s a tyre print painted on. The effect gives quite a realistic tyre residue. Flip him over and on his underbelly there’s an embroidered red blood splat. In the middle of this blood splat, there are a couple of embroidered organs. From what we know about Squirrel anatomy, it looks like a pancreas and an appendix.
“The teddy bodybag is made from a transluscent plastic so you can see the gore inside. It has a white zipper down the middle. And it’s 25 cms long by 20 wide. With a bit of prodding and pounding, it just allows enough space for the remains of an ex-Squirrel.
“The toe tag is made out of recycled brown card. It’s attached to the toe with string. And there’s even a sew-in instruction label that’s crusted with blood and gore.”
OK, hit me with it – what do you reckon? Yay or nay? You’re going to say “nay” aren’t you?