Good inside

I may be stuck in lockdown with two teenagers and two yappy, demanding dogs, but I’m feeling good inside.

Well … being stuck inside the house every day isn’t great, but things are going pretty well inside Alana House.

Perhaps I’ve reached another life milestone on the ageing path or maybe I’ve advanced on the happiness curve or it could just be that I’ve had a nice break from dealing with difficult people.

Difficult isn’t quite the right word, it’s too kind, but it will have to do.

I haven’t felt desolate since those first few days after my amazing holiday with DD. It was a shock coming back to the real world and a bit hard to readjust. There were a few self-pitying tears. Poor middle-class, middle-aged me.

I missed being blissfully warm every day. I missed wandering around barefoot on a boat. I missed a chef cooking all my meals. I missed the staff cleaning up afterwards. I missed sipping wine while watching the most amazing scenery glide past.

I was very spoilt. It gave me a taste of what being rich must feel like. Not that being rich is my life goal, as that comes with its own set of issues. There are a lot of screwed up rich people who’ve realised money doesn’t buy happiness.

On the other hand, I’m not poor by a long stretch. As the crazy auction results from last weekend show, I am asset rich.

I’m fortunate that my children want for very little, we have a nice roof over our heads and we eat well each night.

But it would be nice to not feel quite so argh when the youngest announces her laptop has carked it on day two of home schooling. I am praying my ex can get it fixed.

I miss buying stuff just for fun, rather than ordering a cheap office chair from Officeworks because my hips are hurting from sitting on an old wooden dining chair all day.

Buying stuff for fun means getting back into the workforce full time rather than relying on the ebb and flow of freelancing.

I’ve had a few interviews this week, one via video – after generously spray painting my grey roots – and one on the phone. If something comes up, I will miss the freedom of freelancing. It has restored my equilibrium. But I think it’s time to enter the fray again.

I want to work in a team and help them achieve exciting things. I am hungry to get my hands on a new project.

Stay tuned.

Song of the day: James Brown “I feel good”

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