Any excuse to talk about the pig

I live in a suburb that’s a hop and a skip from the Sydney CBD, so the last thing I would expect to find trotting down my driveway is a lamb.

But that’s what happened to a woman in my neighbourhood yesterday. She posted a pic on our local Facebook group page with the caption: “Random question… Has anyone lost a sheep? She’s got a green X mark on her back and a orange tag and pink collar. PM me.”

A lamb! With a pink collar!

I haven’t laughed so much since someone posted a pic of a rat they’d found in the street and asked if it belonged to anyone.

At the time I thought who the hell would see a rat in the street, pick it up and take it home?

One bloke tried a little Faulty Towers humour, commenting: “Is not rat … is hamster”.

But the rescuer was having none of it: “I wasn’t thinking about making jokes, I was thinking about someone who lost their pet.”

Very serious rat business.

Then someone else replied: “OMG Yes, it’s my son’s fancy rat ‘striker”. He escaped two days ago. Thank you for finding him. I’m about to leave for work, any chance you can hold on to him till this afternoon?”

Actually, the whole thing isn’t quite so funny now that I make mini bowls of fruit salad each night for the three rats who live in the front bedroom of my house.

They’re particularly fond of blueberries. Fancy rats indee!

On the subject of unexpected animals, I’ll never forget the time I caught a pig on a morning walk way back in 2014 when I was still recovering from my husband dumping me.

I was out for a therapeutic stroll with my friend Fee (after something sad I can no longer remembered had unfolded) when I heard the strangest snorting squealing noise and spotted a small furry creature trotting towards us.

My first thought was “Wow, that dog has some serious sinus issues …” and then I realised it was a pig.

Yes, a pig. A very small, very cute pig.

The pig bolted straight past us. I presumed he was an escapee pet, so I knelt down and started saying something cliched like “Here piggy, piggy!” It worked – he trotted over and let me pat him. I grabbed the fuzzy little porker and he started thrashing and squealing the street down. (I’ve since been told pigs bite … that would NOT have been bulk fun.)

I held onto Mr Piggy tightly … because it was extremely important that Fee capture the bizarre moment on her phone … oh, and because I wanted to reunite him safely with his owner.

There are too many bizarre moments in my life that haven’t been visually recorded – like the time I clocked a prawn frantically crawling away from our favourite yum cha restaurant, the bloke I saw dragging a giant cross down Lane Cove Road when I was driving back from jail one time, and the other bloke carrying a giant statue of the Virgin Mary the entire length of the Pilgrim Trail in Spain when (ex)Husband and I trekked the route.

Mr Piggy’s ear-splitting squeals alerted the owner to her pet being on the loose. She shot out of her house screaming PUT HIM DOWN!!! PUT HIM DOWN!!!!

Chill, lady, I was just trying to prevent Mr Piggy becoming bacon under someone’s car wheels.

Anyways …

I was planning on having a quiet night yesterday – well quiet other than collecting the youngest from skipping, shopping for fresh fruit and veg and making dinner – when a colleague reminded me that I was due at Christmas drinks at Diageo’s North Sydney headquarters at 6.30pm.


Cue freak out as I rearranged my day to sort out dinner for the kids and whack on some heels and lippie. I felt a little guilty to be leaving them alone for the second night in a row.

I soothed myself with one of the literal Christmas cocktails at the function – a Christmas Spiced Sour with Tanqueray London Dry, Christmas spices, citrus, spiced syrup and egg white. It was very delicious.

The view wasn’t bad either.

I don’t know why I worried about leaving the kids because they didn’t even stick their heads out of their bedrooms when I got home. I could have stayed for a Johnnie Walker Black Label Ginger Highball.

Ah well. There was rat fruit salad to be made.

Aaaaand I’m out again tonight. Mother of the Year.

I’ll fill you in tomorrow.

Song of the day: Pink “Raise your glass”

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