I’ve been overthinking why love at 51 feels so good.
I know that’s crazy, but I overthink EVERYTHING. I should stop. I can’t. Perhaps years of therapy would help, but this poor single mum can’t afford that.
Fortunately, contemplating why love feels so good is one of the nicest things I’ve ever overthought.
I’ve been Googling “stages of love”, trying to see if there’s a chemical explanation for how I feel or whether it’s weird to still be th about DD after more than four years together.
None of the searching was particularly helpful or romantic.
So I tried typing in “love over 50” and came across a dating site called Silver Singles – an “exclusive dating site for 50+ singles”.
Hmmmmm, not sure about the wisdom of calling it “silver”. Although … my constrained finances mean my regrowth looks like THIS at the moment …
… which is a bit confronting. So much for redheads not going grey. Gaye at work reckons I should try going full-grey, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
Anyways, according to Silver Singles “falling in crazy, stupid love after 50 can and does happen”.
Yes it does! I’m crazy, stupid in love.
And Silver Singles has some really good reasons why.
For example: “By the time you hit 50, the babies question has (most likely) been well and truly answered. Most 50+ singles will also be dating after divorce or similar; meaning that marriage has suddenly become much less of A Big Deal. It’s still an option perhaps, but this time only if it’s really wanted.“
Also, in our case we’ve decided to postpone the whole living together and facing the daily realities of life challenge. We have our own places, which means that seeing each other a few times a week is always a treat.
And we haven’t tried to blend our families. We occasionally see each other’s kids, but it’s mainly about having an escape valve from parenting rather than doing more of it with more of them.
Silver Singles adds: “Something wonderful happens by the time you hit your fifties: you find you’ve tucked away a fair amount of experience in life and love. And this gives you the wisdom and the strength to stand your ground and not accept any relationship games that make you unhappy. You have learned what you want from love, what you can give, and how to talk those feelings through, and the combination means that you can go about falling in love after 50 with eyes and heart wide open.”
And this one is spot on: “Falling in love over 50 means falling for someone who loves the current you. Divorcing because you ‘grew apart’ is common almost to the point of cliché. Yet, that phrasing doesn’t really sum up the problem at the heart of the situation. Writing for Next Avenue, Larry Calat puts it much better when he writes: ‘It wasn’t that we had grown apart so much as it was that we had grown into the people we really are’.”
Larry ended up meeting someone in his silver years and says: “The best way I can describe it is that it feels at once effortless and rock solid, unbearably light with unfathomable depth, surprising yet richly deserved, like we first met and have known each other forever, which again is the circuitous way of saying that it rocks to be this old.”
Yes, surprisingly, it does! Well I could do without the beard and the buddha belly and the wrinkles and the dodgy sacrum … but the feelings when you get older are awesome.
Meanwhile, Divorced Girl Smiling says, in an article called “Why falling in love over 50 kicks ass”: “When you fall in love over 50, it’s like you’re taking everything you’ve learned in life and pouring your best self into your new love. And he or she is doing the same right back. The ingredients that make falling in love over 50 truly wonderful are: self-awareness, maturity, vulnerability, authenticity and appreciation for every day.”
Yes to all of that! I’m a big fan of over-50 love, I can’t recommend it highly enough. It’s amazing how good it feels to be confident enough to be your true self and be accepted and loved for it.
I’ve learned so much from the mistakes I made in my marriage. I’m more open, loving and appreciative of my current relationship.
That’s why I think over 50 love might be the best kind of love.
Even Sex And The City’s Candace Bushnell is on board with the middle-aged vibe. She’s just finished a follow-up novel called “Is there still Sex in the City?”
And Paramount has already bought the rights to turn it into a TV series!
“The original Sex and the City book and series served as a groundbreaking touchstone for an entire generation of women,” said Nicole Clemens, president of Paramount TV. “We’re thrilled to be able to continue that conversation from the underrepresented point of view of women in their fifties and answer the question with, ‘Yes! There is more sex in the city!’”
I reckon the people who say they’re “shutting up shop” are selling themselves short. There’s so much fun and dopamine and endorphins still to be had.
Bring ’em on.
Song of the day: Queen “Crazy little thing called love”