When your brain battles with your ovaries

There are sooooooo many things I do now – and enjoy – that I didn’t do – or enjoy – when I was married.

My husband would be quite startled.

I’m more open to new experiences, I drink coffee, I fling myself into the ocean as often as possible etc etc …

I became stubbornly set in my ways after 23 years in a relationship with the same man. Meeting someone new freed me from those chains.

I imagine my ex is the same.

I smirk a tiny bit whenever I see him wearing his polka dot pyjamas. I suspect SSF got them for him for Christmas. He hated polka dots almost as much as much as pork products when we were together.

I’ve also been wondering – because my brain is far too busy – how Guy Pearce’s ex wife is feeling after yesterday’s bombshell news that his new girlfriend is pregnant. I was floored and I don’t even know either of them.

Guy and Kate were together 18 years. She knew him better than anyone. At least she thought she did.

He was very vocal about not wanting kids. He’s been liberally quoted saying stuff like …

“There are enough babies in the world. Besides, I don’t think I would be good for babies.”

“I’d be on and off. I think they need more consistent affection than I would be able to give.”

“I’m not consistent enough to be a parent – I blow too hot and cold. Kate jokes that we’d end up on the news for throwing a child out of the window.”

(Mind you, he’s a bit challenging. One file story about him notes: “Pearce was dangerously stuck at the end of 2001, a year in which he made four films back-to-back, including some, such as The Time Machine, that he lived to regret. Overwhelmed by the year’s work, and feeling as though he was about to implode, he told his wife, psychologist Kate Mestitz, that he needed time out. He packed his bags and spent a month in a hut on Cape Leveque, a remote point on the West Australian coast north of Broome, reading Buddhist texts and teaching himself how to meditate.” As someone I know commented after reading that: “He sounds EXHAUSTING.” For all I know his ex-wife is thinking “Good luck with THAT bundle of neuroses new girlfriend.”)

But now, just six months after announcing he’d separated from his wife, he’s about to be a baby daddy.

His girlfriend, Game of Thrones actress Carice Van Houten (pictured above in the show), announced she was up the duff over the weekend via Twitter.

Guy sent a tweet of his own noting: “Nothing like the prospect of a shadowbaby to change your mind about becoming a father!”

Guy’s wife might have said she didn’t want kids, but I reckon she’d be having the mother of all WTF moments right now.

A few blog readers have wondered of late if my Topsy Turvy Land mood is because SSF is up the duff.

Nope, not as far as I know. I expect she’s shut up shop. Like me, she’s no spring chicken.

Though I bet she’s given it the odd, secret lazy thought.

Your ovaries tend to get a little bolshie in their old age. They have all these eggs they don’t want to go to waste, so they start begging your brain to give it one last shot.

Your brain says no FARKING way am I going THERE again.

But your ovaries are all like, c’mon, it will be fun, let’s do it!

Your ovaries are sneaky and try to get your heart on side. Your heart is much more of a pushover than your brain. It’s all giddy and mushy.

But even your heart and ovaries being in cahoots ain’t gonna convince your brain that new parenthood in your late 40s is a good idea on any level.

Fortunately I’ve also had my womb razed. End of argument.

But maybe it’s different when you’re a bloke with a hot new girlfriend desperate for a bubba.

Maybe you think hell yeah, let’s do it!

But I think the hot new girlfriend’s brain should have given her ovaries a VERY strong talking to.

Is a man who joked that he’d throw a baby out the window really going to change that much?

He’s 48 for frig’s sake. My age. Set in his ways.

What am I saying? I’ve changed. Maybe he has too.

Love is a funny old beast.

I want to say BAD Guy, NAUGHTY Guy, INCONSTANT Guy.

But perhaps meeting someone new opened unexpected doors inside him.

I feel sorry for his ex-wife though.

Poor woman.