Lurking in the shadows

I don’t get many comments on the blog, so I’m always pleasantly surprised when a new message pops up from a stranger.

If they’ve taken the time to reach out, it means I’ve really connected with them.

My daily stats suggest I have a small but loyal bunch of followers. It’s a nice feeling, because it means people are enjoying my work.

But it can also be uncomfortable to have no control over who delves into my digital life, their motivations or their reactions.

And occasionally, a blog post comes back to bite me.

It’s why I told DD about the blog the first time we met and suggested he Google me before committing to a second date.

(I may also have told him I wouldn’t blog about him. Ooops. I’ve since amended that to “I won’t blog anything bad about about you.”)

He was SO naive about what dating a blogger really entailed. I keep many parts of my life private, but I also put a lot on display.

When I was blogging about my marriage separation, I was urged by some people to show a little decorum.

What if your children read the blog? 

What if their friends read the blog? 

What if your family read the blog?

Write it in a diary instead, don’t share it with the world!

Nah!

The reason I lay myself bare is so people going through similar situations and feeling similar things will know they’re not alone.

I also like making people laugh … But connecting on a deeper emotional level is the main game.

I’ve previously noted that too few people talk about the negative feelings, the bad stuff that happens.

It’s all life is wonderful, look how perfect everything is!

Even when it’s not.

A picture can paint a thousand words and hide as many lies.

How does THAT make anyone feel better about the crap they’re going through?

It doesn’t.

Shite happens. You can’t stick your head in the sand, you have to deal with it.

So I write about my ups and the downs, my triumphs and disappointments. I look inside myself, decide what’s really playing on my mind – or what’s filling me with joy – and I go with it.

I know bloggers who’ve been tempted to give up (or actually HAVE given up) because their words have caused friction with friends or family … or they’ve been targeted by ugly trolls.

And I empathise. It’s very easy to tread on toes or unintentionally hurt others with your public ramblings.

I’ve done it a few times and its been awful.

But the heart of HouseGoesHome is a kind one and means well.

If you don’t see that or reading my blog makes you feel bad, please, please stop.

HouseGoesHome has been around for a long time – it turns five this year. I’ll give it up one day, but I’m not ready to do it just yet.

My journey of self discovery is a long way from over. I don’t know where it’s taking me, but I haven’t lost faith that it’s somewhere good.

Where is your journey taking you?

Make it somewhere good too.

Life is short. Don’t waste it reading something that upsets you.

On the other hand, if I’ve touched a chord in a good or helpful way, let me know.

It’s lovely knowing you’re out there and I’m part of your day.

Song of the day: Hunters & Collectors “Talking to a Stranger”

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Lurking in the shadows

  1. Your blog arrives just as I am thinking about going to bed (in Paris). I like reading your posts because they connect me to Australia and the small things I miss; to the daily banal stuff; parenting, working alone, writing, etc. Reading them feels like I have a penpal (does anyone remember those?) that requests nothing from me.
    Thanks.
    Louise
    ps. Thanks for your link to divorced dads yesterday. Did you read this story?
    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9430208?utm_hp_ref=when-men-divorce

    • Wow, Louise, that link is powerful stuff. Thank you for reading each day. I had so many penpals when I was a kid. Loved ’em. I’m a bit like you these days though, I like the idea of a connection that requests nothing from me. So I understand the desire to read but not comment … as long as it’s for the right reason and not to get yourself all tied up in knots.

  2. I often read but don’t always comment. I’m still full of admiration for how frequently you blog. You’re really committed! And this will be an incredible diary for your family to enjoy down the track 😊

  3. Okay – delurking here for the first time. I’m sure I appear in your daily stats as I’ve been regularly reading for quite a while. I’m in a similar situation to Louise, as an Australian living far from home and feeling some kind of need to get a daily Aussie “fix”. I must go to bed earlier than Louise, as I generally see your posts the next day 🙂

    I can understand you feeling uncomfortable about who exactly is reading – it’s a risk you take when you put yourself out there. But I really like your honesty and your “warts and all” approach. That it’s written with intelligence, feeling, humour, compassion and insight is what draws me here. I rather selfishly hope that you never stop writing.

    One reason I rarely comment, even on blogs I read daily like this one is that I no longer have a blog myself and so there’s no real chance for reciprocation – I “know” about you, but you know nothing about me and that seems a bit unfair. I used to blog daily about being an Aussie in Sweden and did so for nearly 12 years, starting long before blogs were a popular “thing”. However I shut it a couple of years back as I got tired of the sniping trolls. There’s only so many “You’re unAustralian” or “Why don’t you go home” comments that one can tolerate.

    • It’s so nice to hear from you Marie. I’m sorry to hear you stopped blogging because of trolls. I will never understand mean-spirited comments, although I know the people who write them must have unhappy lives.

  4. While I’m in a different situation to yourself, one day I may find myself in your situation and it’s good to know what to expect and appreciate that I am not alone. I used to blog long before blogs were popular. I have since closed it down because it wasn’t important enough for me to try to find the time to blog on a regular basis and then visit the blogs of the people who commented. I felt it unfair to not reciprocate with visits to other blogs so in the end it was easier to just shut it down.
    I also hope you don’t stop writing as I enjoy the realness of what you write.
    Have a great short week !

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