When things get heavy


I have a looooooong history with this sort of palaver. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson. But no, the heavy stuff remains a common thread in my life.

Generally, it’s emotional burdens I carry. Geez they drag me down sometimes.

But I’ve become a heat-seeking missile for the physical ones too.

It’s the youngest’s birthday on Sunday. As regular HouseGoesHome readers know, she’s having a pool party and I have lots of awesome aquatic-themed goodies and nibbles planned.

But her birthday gift has done my head in. She’s even harder to buy for than me. I was instructed to tell all party goers – and relatives – that she wanted JB-HiFi vouchers as gifts.

We’re still giving joint presents, so my ex suggested we buy her JB-HiFi vouchers too. But she said no, she wanted SOMETHING that was a proper pressie.

My first two mad suggestions – a blow-up water slide and an electric scooter – were vetoed by the ex.

So I talked her into a netball stand and hoop. She wasn’t super keen at first. Then she got word she might be shooter for her netball team, so a hoop in the backyard suddenly got very appealing.

I thought the ex might baulk, as it will reside at my place alongside the farking heavy ping pong table we got her for Christmas (that still isn’t properly assembled because a whole bag of brackets was missing – this is why $89 ping pong tables are never really bargains).

It kinda gives me all the parental glory when it’s my backyard full of play things. But he seemed fine with it.

I’d left my run a bit too late to order it online so I trekked to Rebel yesterday while the youngest lay on the couch coughing her lungs up with the flu. Please let her rally by Sunday.

As is my luck, the two cheaper models were out of stock so I had to get the Rolls Royce version.

Fortunately it wasn’t nearly as heavy as the ping pong table, which almost killed me hefting into the car, but it was still an awkward stagger.

As are the emotional burdens. They keep tripping me up when I least expect it. I’ll be meandering along, blissed up to the eyeballs, and then WHAM, an emotional trigger knocks me for a six.

Mainly I think it’s that I’m scared of negative emotions. My ex’s reason for leaving was because he could “never make me happy” (a decision that ironically made me the most miserable I’ve ever been).

So I get anxious about NOT being happy. Since not being happy caused my marriage to break up, I feel driven to be cheery all the time. No one wants a grumpy Alana.

It’s only a year since the separation, so being cheery all the time is a big ask. The turkeys don’t get me down nearly as much as they once did, but sometimes – OK, regularly – the woe-is-me-life-is-so-hard blues hit. And even a birthday can’t banish them.

But something has shifted.  Nowadays, nothing keeps me down for long. I know life is pretty amazing, I just have to get through the latest challenge.

And I’m ridiculously “Accidentally Kelly Street” at least once every day.

Do you have a tween? What’s on their gift wish list?

Song of the day: Frente! “Accidentally Kelly Street”



8 thoughts on “When things get heavy

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  1. I’ve had to battle a lot with the need to appear happy in the last year. One of my kids (an adult one) was in a really bad place emotionally and I felt like I had to be up all the time because if I was negative it’d make him spiral even further down. Damn it’s hard work to act happy when you’re not. It’s positively exhausting. He ended up with a great therapist who I ended up seeing as well and I’ve been given permission to be myself again – so much easier!

  2. Angie Hart from Frente lives here on the Peninsula and still occasionally performs. I had Marvin The Album (what a brilliant name!) on cassette…remember those?!
    I agree that there is often peer or family pressure to be cheery all the time and, yes, maintaining what is, sometimes, a facade can become draining. Like Jenny Morris sings, “You’re Not The Only One”… 😉

  3. We bought my stepdaughter a polaroid camera – very cool with that age group. She’s 12. There’s a new Fuji one and you can buy all sorts of fun film packs for it …

  4. Great to remember that “this too shall pass”. I use to try to boost my son up with cheery proclamations when he would get sad after he had to say goodbye to his dad after a visit. But a counsellor told me it’s really important to acknowledge his sad feelings and just let him feel them, so he will learn to trust in his feelings and know what they are. It’s normal to feel sad sometimes. Son who turned 7 last week (is that tweenage? I’ve only just stopped thinking of him as a toddler!) got a fancy Ben 10 Omnitrix and Lego Batman Batcave from his dad and I, and I asked for classic children’s books and board games from family and friends. He got clothes from granny which he was less thrilled about.

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