Diagnosis: TMB Syndrome

It’s funny how guilty I’ve felt about living like an A-lister this week. Every time I post something on Instagram or the blog or Facebook I get all squirmy and uncomfortable.

Bloody show-off.

I wonder if that’s how ACTUAL A-listers feel?

But on with the show … and yesterday was yet another crazily surreal one.

It kicked off with a family fun day aboard the Carnival Legend cruise ship. Think Dr Seuss green-eggs-and-ham brunch, a towel animal puppet show (think the baby gorilla from my gallery earlier in the week dancing and singing to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun), splashing in the ship’s water park and scoring a goodie bag filled sugary treats from the on-board lolly shop when we disembarked.

The menu for brunch included fun stuff such as Schlopp (my choice) and stacks of Cat in The Hat red and white pancakes (the eldest’s choice), while the youngest bravely put her hand up for the green eggs and ham … which were VERY green.

Speaking of green, the eldest went wild over the Green Thunder waterslide. It had a completely vertical starting section with a plastic floor that’s then whipped away and sends you plummeting down the shoot.

The youngest took one look at both slides on the ship and said – her actual words: “No way, Jose.”

The eldest staggered off the Green Thunder saying “That was terrifying!” then proceeded to do it half a dozen more times before I had to drag her off to our next engagement.

The morning was only slightly marred by me losing my shite over the youngest refusing to use the escalators, the glass elevator AND the glass stairs. That didn’t make disembarkation difficult AT ALL. But I really should be more understanding of childhood phobias. Sigh.

Next on the agenda was lunch at Coogee Pavilion, which is really quite marvellous for kids. There are ping pong tables and a giant Scrabble board on the wall and other kiddie delights to give adults a bit of breathing space over their oysters.

However, there was a slight hiccup when I arrived with my kids in tow. I was supposed to be dining upstairs at the Pavilion Rooftop, but it’s adults only …

It was a teensy bit ironic considering the two fancy restaurants I dined at earlier in the week with DD had us seated beside a baby (Icebergs) and two tweens (Gowings). But we had a fine time downstairs at the Pavilion chowing on pizza and a parade of luscious desserts before heading to Coogee Beach for a lovely but all-too-brief dip.

The kids would have stayed for hours except I was due at the doctor’s at 4pm to get my mammogram results. The air-conditioning was broken in his surgery and he was running 30 minutes behind schedule so I got some VERY dirty looks from the kids as they sat dripping with perspiration in the waiting room.

It was a total non-event too, as all I have, according to my GP, is “TMB” Syndrome (“Too many birthdays” ho ho ho). I’m suffering from elderly hormonal “case closed” stuff. I just need to keep popping the Voltaren and it’ll eventually sort itself out.

I was so relieved that I took the sweaty kids to my sister’s pool for celebratory pizza and a refreshing dip … and completely forgot I’d asked my ex to have them for the night: I’d been planning to go to a Grease singalong that got cancelled.

Frantic messages and calls piled up as I blithely sipped prosecco in the spa. He’d turned up at the house to find the back door open and the kids missing …

I cannot tell you how horrified, mortified and every other fied I was when I finally checked my phone.

Bad, bad, bad Alana.

But it can’t be undone and apologising for the five hundredth time just gets annoying.

Anyway, just for something completely different (not), here’s a gallery of my crazy day …

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7 thoughts on “Diagnosis: TMB Syndrome

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  1. That’s an excellent wrap-up for the week! Very glad your diagnosis was not a scary as you (and we!) dreaded.

    And yes, you’re a bad squidgy for putting your ex through the trauma of a missing family…an A-lister would probably have had a Nanny to hand over the kids.

    You’ve got the photo album thingy nailed, too! 😉

  2. Love the gallery! An excellent way to show off your photos, Alana. I was terrified of escalators when I was a kid so I empathise with your little one. I remember a horrible old carrot of a lady shoving me on to one when I was dithering at the top once. It made my phobia even worse.

    1. Hate it when people dismiss fears and do that. Though I must admit I ignored her terror of heights and threw her on the Taipan waterslide at Jamberoo – we’d waited 30 minutes and were all about to get into a blow-up boat as a family – my gawd, the blood-curdling screams

  3. So glad to hear you’re OK Alana. What a week – never a dull moment. With everything you’ve had going on, its no wonder you forgot about the handing over of the kids! I haven’t seen your gallery yet because reading this on my phone but will check out Instagram. Have a great weekend.x

  4. Glad you received a good result from your mammogram scare.
    Your week looks awesome. Have I mentioned before that I want your job?!
    And that lobster roll – yummo. Did you ever have Luke’s Lobster rolls when you lived in NY? I still dream of them. Sigh.

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