Parenting in a polar vortex

It got pretty cold when the Household lived in New York for 10 brief months. I think the record lowest temp we survived was -8C. It was so cold that even with lined boots you couldn’t stand still without freezing your tootsies off.

But our experience ain’t got nuthin’ on the big freeze currently sweeping the States. Something called a “polar vortex” has plunged much of the country into the lowest temperatures in 20 years. Apparently a huge mass of arctic air has slipped away from the North Pole and settled over the US.

Exposed flesh can freeze in five minutes as temperatures plummet 30 to 50 degrees farenheit below average in some cities.

According to Smithsonian Magazine: “In case you missed it, it’s been really, really cold recently…colder than the surface of Mars, in fact.”

It got so cold yesterday that Hell froze over, literally. The small town in Michigan saw temperatures plunge to -13C, with a wind chill of -33C.

In Chicago, which residents have renamed “Chi-Beria”, the high forecast for Monday was only -11, the lowest high temperature in the city’s history. One resident, Stefan Giegucz, reckons he had put on a whopping 8 layers of clothing before trekking to work.

A convict, Robert Vick, even aborted his escape from Blackburn Correction Complex in Lexington, Ky. He went to a motel and told the clerk to call the police so that he could turn himself in and return to his cosy jail cell.

The deep freeze didn’t stop Wisconsin football fans from enjoying a bevvy at the match on Sunday — even if they had to grill the beer.

Since then, however, many residents have been trapped inside because THIS happened to their cars.

My Facebook friend Helen posted this pic of her holiday in New York:

She captioned it: “The Hudson has frozen over. Most unusual and extraordinary so say the locals.”

All this chilling news got me thinking about how hard it would be to parent in a polar vortex. During our New York winter we were often housebound with just a tub of Lego and a tub of Polly Pockets for amusement and it got pretty hairy.

Besides, I get subjected to enough whingeing when the weather is warm.  Imagine if I was dealing with parenting obstacles like this …

This pic of frozen toilet water at Happy Place was captioned: “Dear god. Think of the seat temperature.”

Mittens inside the house would  be essential to avoid the kids getting stuck to the front door handle … (from a Chicago Reddit user)

I wouldn’t put it past the kids to do something as daft as Maddie Gilmartin who told WMUR she decided to see “what would happen if I stuck my tongue to a flag pole. At the moment, I was like, ‘oh, it will come right off.'”

It didn’t, as anyone who has seen A Christmas Story would know (she hadn’t). And Maddie found herself stuck to the flag pole for about 15 minutes until her parents freed her using some warm water.

Mind you, the kids would go berserk over this – it’s so cold bubbles are freezing! via Reddit. 

In fact, Chicago’s public radio station WBEZ 91.5 “tested how quickly bubbles would freeze today.” They explained on Facebook: “By the time this one hit the ground it actually started rolling.”

The kids would also think this was pretty awesome:

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What happens when you jump onto a frozen trampoline really needs to be seen!

Not to mention this cool idea …

Chef Jansen Chan, Director of Pastry Arts at the International Culinary Center, create this sweet treat called “Polar Vortex Ice Cream” in New York in just eight minutes.

Carly Leen from 2 Bears and Counting also had the bright idea of bringing the snow inside for her kids to paint.

But my favourite snow activity has to be the one devised by Minnesota brothers Austin, Connor and Trevor Bartz, who spend their winters building giant snow sea creatures.

This year’s creation is a shark. Here are some of their previous efforts:

Then there’s the parents to keep amused … maybe they could focus on making a new little playmate for their offspring …

I’m thinking there’s a fair chance of a baby boom in nine months time, aren’t you?

Twitter is doing a great trade in polar vortex pick-up lines. Like this one from Paul Ferris: #PolarVortexPickUpLines If I said you had a nice body would you hold it against me? Because if you don’t I’m going to die of hypothermia.

Meanwhile, Emma Thompson is finally enjoying her hot flushes …. “It’s such a cold night and it’s the only time I’ve actively been grateful for menopause,” Thompson, 54, said at Tuesday’s National Board of Review gala while she received the best actress award for her work in Saving Mr. Banks. “I’ve been entirely comfortable.”

Fortunately I don’t need to worry about any of that stuff, because I live in Sydney now … and I’m not going through the menopause yet. And while it was an unseasonably cool 21C yesterday, it’s a loooong way off polar.

Mind you, I’m hoping it heats up tomorrow for my cruise to nowhere. I’m pretty damn keen to kick back poolside with a Cosmo in the balmy late afternoon sun.

Are you a winter or summer person? 

PS Check out more pics of amazing frozen things by clicking here.