What would you do if a comment came up in your Facebook newsfeed saying: “Just realised I named my daughter Mia xxxxxx. Is 2 too old to change a name?”
(The “xxxxxx” is because I’m living in fear of a posse of suburban mums … but it’s something to do with streetwalker.)
If you’re not a journalist you would probably just giggle or empathise or both. I stupidly wrote a blog post about it for iVillage called “I want to change my two-year-old’s name.” I mean, after all, I feel the kid’s pain having been christened A. House.
Well, Mia’s mum found out I’d written a blog post about her misfortune and she went ape. Actually, she wasn’t too bad about it (kinda). But a lynch mob of other women on the mum’s site we all belong to started baying for my blood. They accused me of revealing the mum’s name (I didn’t), they wanted me banned from the site, they called me all sorts of terrible things. Even changing Mia’s last name to “Nutter” (I can’t think why I chose that) didn’t calm them down.
My email account was literally brimming with fury. I ended up not being able to look at it because I’d have just gone and put a bullet in my head to rid the world of my scourge.
>> And on that note … this week I also reblogged a post called What It’s Like Inside My Head.
>> I lightened up the next day with 11 Reasons Why Sloths are Cool. Please read it so I have a chance on going on a junket again someday …
>> Then I sank into the doldrums again because My counsellor’s name is Neville.
>> And then lightened up on Friday with Sisterly Love – featuring a gallery of matching outfits my mother made my sister and I wear as kids.
Yep, life is a rollercoaster when you’re Alana, you’ve just gotta ride it.
Now, on with the iVillage show (which was pretty rollercoastery too)
There was funny stuff …
>> This mum’s version of “What Does the Fox Say?” just gets funnier and funnier as it goes on >> http://bit.ly/1hB7nIA
>> Because everyone celebrates Christmas in the nude… don’t they? (and 42 other hilariously awkward Christmas photos) >>http://bit.ly/18kUuKo
>> Meet the world’s hottest gynaecologist – would you make an appointment? (I wouldn’t) >>http://bit.ly/1axf4a0)
There was sad stuff …
>> Her baby was asleep in bed when the unthinkable happened. Read her heartbreaking story (almost 100,000 people have on our site alone this week) and you’ll never drink and drive again >> http://bit.ly/IpzMT5
>> The policeman involved in the live-tweeting crash tragedy has spoken out about the woman who lost her husband >>http://bit.ly/1coovNJ
>> Vale Nelson Mandela >> http://bit.ly/18GeMns
>> Four babies died during home births attended by this “birth worker” – why hasn’t she been barred from ever practicing again?http://bit.ly/1aCebxa
>> Great. Now we’re photoshopping toddlers >> http://bit.ly/IGQLjB
And amazing stuff …
>> Triplets are miraculous enough, but these bubs are 1 in a million >> http://bit.ly/1bLdzvd
>> They froze our baby to save his life >> http://bit.ly/1bi4mc5
>> (Amazingly weird) This woman believes a corset is the secret to a happy marriage (she also lives as a Victorian lay-dee 24 hours a day seven days a week – the pics are quite something) >> http://bit.ly/1kdit3x
>> The Microsoft bra that stops you comfort eating. Yes, really…http://bit.ly/1cc1l9S
>> Battle of the post-baby selfies – “fit mum” attacks “smug mum” >> http://bit.ly/1dPoG8d
>> How thousands of strangers gave a little boy the confidence to wear glasses >> http://bit.ly/191M6Df
>> Why women are “rebirthing” their babies >> http://bit.ly/1bbShEj
>> Why eat your placenta when it can have pride of place on your mantelpiece? >> http://bit.ly/1b6WkBN
We got unliked on Facebook for this one …
>> I am no longer on speaking terms with my post-baby body >>http://bit.ly/1iubrM5
(Lisa Wilson wrote: “shakes head at iVillage and the hypocrisy” and I wrote: “Hi Lisa, we try to present a variety of voices at iVillage and this blogger wanted to share her story. We don’t think that’s hypocrisy – it’s freedom of speech…” and then it got a bit ugly. I think she was upset about What’s Your Excuse Mum and Fit Mum sharing air space with Realistic Mum.)
And I’ll just give this one last plug …
housegoeshome 
Alana, do u remember there was a kid a few years behind us called Justin Case?
Also, dad taught Theresa Green (apparently her brothers nickname was ‘Gan’… lol)
They ring vague bells … and WHAT WERE THEIR PARENTS THINKING?
I read, ‘What it’s like inside my head’ and accidentally matched it with the sloth! I couldn’t stop watching it thinking, ‘I want to be inside Alana’s head.’
Well, my nickname WAS speedy during my cadetship at the Newcastle Herald.
Well, I reckon Neville is going to really earn his fee this week! That’s a LOT to process…
I too have a couple of acquaintances, unfortunately named, that I would love to share but it would be ill-considered, and inconsiderate, to do so in such a public forum. Yes, they really are that bad!
Perhaps there should be an App where prospective parents can check the slang permutations, mutations and possible nicknames for their choice of names? Now THERE’s an idea!
We could make our fortune!
http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/325699-greater-internet-fuckwad-theory
I just love humanity.