I wish we’d turned left


I was offered a job overseas last week. If the opportunity had come a year ago, it could have changed everything.

There’s an episode of Doctor Who called “Turn Left”. The Doctor’s companion, Donna, goes back in time to the moment she made the choice that led to meeting him: turning left at an intersection. This time around, evil forces convince her to turn right instead. Her decision changes the world, with disastrous consequences, including the Doctor dying without regenerating.

When Donna discovers that time is being warped around her, she goes back to the point when she chose to turn right instead of left to try and fix it. But while she will save universes and prevent the stars from “going out”, she will die. Of course, she heroically does it anyway.

Back to the real world …

A year ago I didn’t know what was wrong with my marriage, but something was definitely warped. If we’d turned left at that moment, instead of right … if, if, if …

A month or two later a terrible choice was made, one that lead to my impending divorce.

Moving overseas might have prevented our star from going out.

I know, I know, there’s every chance it wouldn’t have. Husband may have vetoed the move. On the other hand, he may have embraced the chance for a fresh start.

And where would we be now?

Of course, real-life isn’t an episode of Doctor Who. Our marriage can’t be saved by a science-fiction scriptwriter. It’s irrevocably broken.

And tomorrow our family home goes up for sale.

I still want this to be a nightmare. I still want to wake up.

As for the job, I’ll have to turn it down. How do you put an eight-hour flight between your kids and their father? How do you perform a high-level job as a single mum, with no support network, in a foreign country? Way too hard.

Damn him.

Song of the day: Lana Del Ray “Damn you”





13 thoughts on “I wish we’d turned left

  1. The positive that you can take from this episode is that you ARE employable and there IS opportunity out there for you. It’s just a matter of the right opportunity coming along.
    Like PPMJ says, it’s a shitty thing you’re going through and I hope, at least, that all the jooshing yields a good result.

  2. Alana, I’m finding your posts so heartbreaking since your marriage broke up. And, if I’m honest, bringing back lots of dreadful memories for me too. Your posts are really resonating with me. However, remember that you WILL get through it and come out the other side. (Sorry for all the cliches). My family law solicitor told me that my divorce was one of the worst he’d handled. And I ended up okay. (Didn’t I, Geoff S?)

  3. Hopefully after the house is sold and you have found a new home the stress will ease and the fog will start to clear, revealing a bright new life. Fingers crossed for a good sale!! (I was so nervous at our auction I realised halfway that I’d stuffed a dirty pair of undies in my pants pocket. We sold well though so maybe it’s good luck …)

  4. You’ll have many more turns to choose between Alana and the thing is you don’t know what might be around the corner. Something wonderful you’d never have dreamed of in a million years maybe xx

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