Leadership qualities

I got an email at work yesterday that sent me into a complete tailspin. It informed me that I’d been selected for leadership training.

Six or so full days over the course of a few months. Starting on my birthday.

I had a bit of a meltdown at my desk, messaged my boss and said something along the lines of “Can I be excused from this because a) I don’t lead anyone; and b) I’m almost 60.”

I haven’t lead a team for years and I don’t plan on doing it again.

I ran two magazines in Singapore, I had a staff of 40 or so at Woman’s Day and I managed a couple of people at Mamamia.

I’ve been a lone wolf ever since. Admittedly not through choice initially, but because opportunities dwindled due to the trifecta of being a middle-aged woman without a university degree.

But then I got into the groove of doing my own thing and made my peace with it. Leading and managing people is A LOT. So many problems to solve, so many ruffled feathers to smooth.

These days I prefer to stay in my solo lane and lend a hand if someone needs it. I’m always happy to give advice or help write a media release, but I no longer feel any desire to run the show.

I don’t need training on how to hire people. And I am pretty clear on how to identify unconscious bias … as a child of the 60s, I’m also very familiar with what conscious bias looks like.

Some tips on transitioning to retirement might be nice, but that’s not part of the curriculum.

After talking myself off the ledge (I have no idea why being tapped for leadership training almost made me weep), I remembered my manners and thanked my boss for the opportunity, but suggested someone younger might benefit from it more than me.

She agreed to send me to the back of the queue, but said everyone has to do the training at some point.

I resisted the urge to ask if that includes people fantasising about early retirement.

Sigh. They’ll be chasing me for my performance plan soon too. I don’t want to do that either. My plan is simple: do my job well until I reach an acceptable age to stop doing it.

I’ve been working full time since I was 17. That’s more than 40 years. I’m tired. I fantasise about resting, going to the gym every day, having time for medical appointments, drinking coffee with friends at 10am, going for an afternoon swim.

I might get bored, but I’m happy to take that risk.

Song of the day: The Supremes “Stop in the name of love”