It won’t be boring

I have become my own health saga. It’s getting a bit ridiculous.

I went to the doctor yesterday to get the results of my CT scan and felt like I’d cheated on him. He said: “I see you went to the hospital last week.”

Er, yes, sorry …

He started rattling on about my ear and I couldn’t work out why, since I was there about my bladder.

Anyways, I didn’t realise, but the hospital did a swab and it turns out I have TWO COMPLETELY SEPARATE ear infections at the same time in the same ear. OM-effing-G.

And I can’t get the second one treated until an ENT checks if my eardrum is still ruptured. So now I have to try and find an ENT who will agree to see me in the immediate future. That will be fun and games.

Apparently both infections show “heavy growth”. Sexy talk.

And I am still completely deaf in one ear. I’m hoping it’s not permanent.

As for my KUB CT scan, it all looked fine, but the operator spotted that I have ovarian cysts. So now I have to get an ultrasound.

I felt a bit dizzy when I left the doctor’s surgery with my wad of referrals and prescriptions. Actually, I always feel a bit dizzy these days. Maybe punch drunk is a better word.

It was freaking gouting down as I drove to my contracting job and I’d missed the early bird parking, so I had to park in a two-hour spot on the street and pray it was too wet for the parking cops to be out.

Last thing I needed was a parking ticket on top of all my medical bills.

Oddly enough, I’m quite perky despite the endless drama. I might have cried for a millisecond when I went to bed last night because I was so tired, but generally I’m upbeat because I feel way better than I did last week.

I will be interested to see what being totally better feels like. I suspect I’ve been sick for quite a long time and gotten used to it.

Oh, and I saw this post on my Insta feed that I thought summed things up nicely:

Confession: I am not really looking forward to the ultrasound. The blog post about my last one was called How Big Is That Thing? 

I noted about the procedure afterwards:

My doctor neglected to mention it would be performed in two stages: first externally, then internally. If I’d known I’d have taken a little more care with my personal landscaping that morning.

When the sonographer outlined the intimate situation that was about to unfold, including the use of a huge wand-like thingie, my shoulders sagged. Oh god. No.

And I know this shouldn’t be the worst part, but he was really young and really cute. Really young, really cute sonographers should be banned. They should become podiatrists or something instead.

I don’t think it would be nearly so embarrassing to have a middle-aged woman wave a huge wand-like thingie t me.

I had to discuss lots of awkward things with the young, cute sonographer pre-wand. Then he did the external ultrasound, which was a little unpleasant as they make you drink a litre of water first then press really hard on your bladder.

Then I had to sign a consent form for the internal ultrasound. And once it started I could understand why. It’s a VERY intimate procedure.

The wand is VERY long. And young, cute sonographer’s hand rests on your naked inner thigh in extremely close proximity to your clacker. Blokes reading this will probably think phwoar. But there’s nothing phwoar about it.

The sonographer also informed me the procedure could take up to 15 minutes, depending on how much I talked. Usually it only takes about 5 to 10 minutes, but going on how much I talked during the external procedure he felt he needed to build in more time.

OK, better shut up and go book those appointments … and one for the dog, who’s overdue his yearly check up …

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