Off limits

Regular HouseGoeshome readers would have guessed that there are few topics I am reluctant to discuss.

I had a very loud and animated conversation about menopause with my current colleagues earlier this week that may have terrified younger ears. It included me complaining that my boobs were hurting like Hades, which they haven’t done for at least six months. I thought I was off the bloody hook, so to speak, but nope, my fertility is obviously still battling gamely on.

However, the kids managed to shock me at dinner last night by revealing there’s a very popular app at the moment that tracks poos. Not just yours personally, whole groups of friends sign up to it and collectively log their logs. Time, place, that sort of thing.

Why???? Because it’s fun/funny apparently.

It takes a lot to make my mouth drop, but that definitely did. My delicate generation DOES NOT discuss number twos. It’s why we have a problem with people not doing the bowel cancer test, I presume.

Speaking of which, I really need to do the bowel cancer test. I’ve been sent two and failed to pony up a sample for either of them. I got some very good advice from a friend though, who said the trick is to poke, not scoop when collecting your specimen. She scooped and got a letter saying she’d provided too much stool and would have to do the test again. The mortification!

I thought it was cool that Erin Molan posted a photograph of herself recently after having a colonoscopy. She urged women to be as vigilant about bowel checks as they are about breast checks.

She admitted she had put off the procedure because she was scared, as her sister Sarah Sutton was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer at the age of 27.

Molan became an ambassador for Bowel Cancer Australia following her sister’s diagnosis to raise awareness, but admits that while she had the genetic testing for bowel cancer, she never had a colonoscopy procedure.

She noted on Instagram: “I’d honestly been scared. I kept coming up with excuses to put it off. My sister went in for this procedure and woke up to life changing news… I sat on the edge of her hospital bed as her doctor said the words that no person/family ever wants to hear – so the thought of something similar happening terrified me.

“I became an ambassador for Bowel Cancer Australia soon after Sarah’s diagnosis and have dedicated a large part of my life to raising awareness – as have my parents, Sarah and siblings and I am so proud of the work we and many others have done together over many years… yet I still PUT THIS OFF.”

“Having my daughter changed everything. My health was no longer just my concern – but hers. No one will ever love and protect her like her father and I will – so she deserves parents who do everything in their power to stay healthy for as long as possible.

“COVID delayed this last year, but finally it’s done. I can’t stress enough how easy this was. The prep – a bit gross (but a great clean out!) – but seriously, it’s 24 hours and that’s it – I didn’t feel a thing once I went under.

“I teared up a bit as the anaesthetic started to go in – I was a bit emotional – but my next memory was waking up without any soreness at all to the most wonderful doctor and nurses! If something doesn’t feel right talk to your GP. If you notice changes talk to your GP.

“Bowel cancer is the second most common cancer in Australia but if you get it early enough 99% of cases are treatable! We get told growing up to slip slop slap – skin cancer, don’t smoke – lung cancer, check your breasts – breast cancer: but it’s only fairly recently that bowel cancer has started to enter mainstream media discussion – and about bloody time! Thanks to all who speak openly about something that isn’t particularly pretty or pleasant, but the lives of those we love may just depend on it! Have a conversation – be aware.”

I didn’t set out for this to be a blog post about poo … but that’s somehow what it’s become.

Actually, there’s been a lot of poo – and poo talk – in my week. There was also speculation over dinner last night that I’d used off prawns in the fried rice, with the youngest convinced we’d all be crook as Rookwood within hours. She’d already eaten three when she made the pronouncement that they tasted like smelly feet. Fortunately, the only thing I was suffering from when I went to bed was exhaustion.

Also, the dogs sleep in the (very small) laundry following the renovation and the bottom of the door is very low to the floor. One of the dogs was a bit … crook in the guts … and, when I swung open the door on Wednesday morning … well, you can imagine the additional poo armageddon that I unleashed. Cleaning poo armageddon off the bottom of a door that’s very low to the floor is both gross and difficult.

And on that icky note, have a lovely weekend.

Oh, one more thing that’s shite. I’m 53 next week. Fark a bloody duck. I am NOT happy about THAT. Be kind to me. Send lottery tickets that win me millions of dollars. How GOOD would that be?

Song of the day: Pete Murray “Opportunity”

Listen to this song – it’s my idea of heaven. I feel soooooo happy as I listen to it.

3 thoughts on “Off limits

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  1. Thanks for posting that Pete Murray song – haven’t heard it for ages and it is beautiful. I love his voice. Re the upcoming birthday, a colleague and I were talking about birthdays/age and she said to remember whatever age you are, that’s the youngest you’re ever going to be again. So we have to think like that! And great reminder re the bowel cancer test. I haven’t done mine either… I’ll remember the advice of your friend!

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