Too tacky

I was sooooo tempted to call this blog post “Well hung” … but I reluctantly decided it would be too tacky. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m a tacky kind of girl/woman. I’m a gourmand rather than a gourmet. I prefer movies to theatre. And I get way too excited about Alec Baldwin revealing he’s a father for the seventh time.

But pretending a post about getting my pictures hung is about penis size … probably goes a bit too far.

Actually, have I ever told you that a whole section of Singapore CLEO had to be pulped once during my editorship because I’d run a story about penis size – with bonus penis ruler – that suggested appendages in the region in which I was residing were the smallest? Not my wisest decision.

I digress … yesterday a picture whisperer came over to hang all my art on my walls. The picture whisperer has had a rough trot over the past decade. He told me how snapped his Achilles’ tendon eight years ago, then got some terrible encephalitis-type illness that was misdiagnosed and, most recently, got hit so hard in the face with a golf ball that he’s now blind in one eye.

His health issues mean he’s my age and reduced to living in a poky one-bedroom apartment. Poor Bryan. It was quite the download. Fortunately he has a holiday coming up to his favourite destination, Magnetic Island. It’s a place I wasn’t very familiar with before I met Bryan, but I now feel like a local.

Bryan gave me a run for my money in the talking department yesterday and the discussion reminded me that while menopause is awful, it will pass. His health issues will not.

I digress again …I’m supposed to be telling you about my art collection, which is eclectic and mainly has sentimental value. Each piece has a story behind it and I’m going to run you through a few of them briefly.

The underwater swimmer was photographed by Narelle Autio at Bondi Beach. My ex and I bought the photo at Stills Gallery, which was owned at the time by Mia Freedman’s mum. Not sure if she’s still at the helm. It hung proudly on the wall of our Bondi apartment, where we lived until the eldest was born.

The photograph beside – that I’ve accidentally hidden behind a lily, was taken by my dear friend Sam’s late father. We bought it at an charity art auction just before we moved to New York. I forget the cause.

The two photographs above the TV were given to us on our wedding day. We asked everyone who didn’t know what to buy us to chip in. They’re by a photographer called Danielle Thompson. One of the photos has slipped down in the frame for the second time and I need to get it fixed. It’s on my long to-do list.

The sunrise and sunset photos beside them are by DD (top) and me (bottom). DD’s was taken at sunrise at Bilgola Beach and features the youngest and I in the surf. The bottom one was taken on Sydney Harbour when I was on a Christmas cruise on a private yacht with Manildra during my time at the Drinks Association – Manildra makes ethanol, which we sipped in some lovely Manly Spirits cocktails while on board.

As for the two black and white prints, the top one is by an amazing artist called Michele Heibel. who used to work for me at Woman’s Day. I went to an exhibition she held in Cessnock and admired the goat, but couldn’t afford it as I think was unemployed at the time. One day it arrived in the mail. Bless her. The bottom one is a lino cut that the eldest created in year 8. Seeing it alongside the other year 8 creations in an exhibition was one of those moments of clarity where you realise your child has proper artistic talent.

Speaking of the eldest, the two works beside my bedroom door are also his. The top one won an art prize last year, while the owl was created when the eldest was about seven years old.

And above the French doors is a fish sculpture that my friend Wendy gifted me after I placed a bid on it at a charity auction of her late father in law’s art collection.

Oh, and the bedroom collection has an ocean theme and includes a photograph given to me by my sister-in-law, one from my sister and another that I was lucky enough to score at a Cape Mentelle lunch I attended recently.

There’s definitely way too much on the walls … it’s not for everyone … but I like it. Looking at the hung art and remembering the stories behind them gives me much pleasure.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to my art collection, I am so touched by all your gifts and kindness and will treasure both always.

PS No blog tomorrow as I’ll be time poor. Back Friday xoxo

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