You can’t take me anywhere

Well, you can take me places, but I have no filter.

DD took me to drinks with a business associate last week and I regaled him with inappropriate tales, including one about desexing my bunny because he started humping my husband’s leg and ejaculating on his jeans.

The next day I asked DD what his business associate thought of me and he said his verdict was that I was a “character”.

On Sunday night, I thought my DIY Brazilians were an appropriate topic of conversation with DD’s neighbour and his friends – who I’d never previously met – over pizza and fancy bourbon. (Read more about the bourbon bit here at The Thirsty Travellers).

I launched into my “you know how Bruce Willis looks great bald and weird with hair? Well, it’s the opposite with my vajayjay” anecdote.

Yes, I did.

DD has grown accustomed to the no-filter thing after six years of me. He just laughs and sends me comedy videos he thinks I will relate to. This is the latest one:

In no-filter-needed news from yesterday, the neighbours dumped a whole heap of uprooted clivias on their nature strip, so I lugged them into my backyard and (badly) planted them.

I hate gardening every bit as much as I hate cleaning, so I wasn’t stoked about it, but I wasn’t going to pass up free clivias, being an unemployed single mum and all.

I also updated my CV using some excellent advice from a friend. I feel quite mortified about the resume and cover letters I was sending out prior to her input, no wonder I wasn’t getting any responses!

Updating your resume is actually a really good pep talk. It’s a reminder of everything you’ve achieved since you entered the workforce … or in my case everything I’ve done in the last 20 years (so I don’t sound too old).

Mine looks much sexier now. It kicks off with a list of my major achievements and core strengths. I’m hoping someone looks at it and understands the passion and experience I would bring to their business. It would be so awesome to be valued in my next role.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. Oh, and I slept last night, unaided, easily and well! OK, gotta go, I have a heap of stuff to do before I drop the Renault off for its last service under warranty.

Song of the day: Right Said Fred “I’m too sexy”

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