The centrifuge of sadness

Emotions are strange, unpredictable things.

I had a great time on Sunday night – DD hosted nibbles for some of his local friends. All the blokes were called David, which had the potential to be a little confusing, but we managed just fine.

We sipped some delicious wines and DD provided his favourite hors d’oeuvres: party pies.

(There were also ginger and mustard sausages, mini lamb kebabs, a cheese board and other gourmet stuff.)

I stayed over and the next morning we went to the Avalon headland for coffee and bird watching …

All perfectly lovely.

So I have no idea why I drove home with such a terrible case of Mondayitis, but I was DESOLATE.

But I suppose sadness is not something you can reschedule. It just happens and you don’t have much control over the timing.

It’s a bit like when people tell you to not let something get you down. Yes, that’s all very well in theory, but not very useful when you’re circling the drain of despondency, struggling to escape the centrifugal force that’s gripping you.

I wasn’t very good at science at school, so I may have the analogy wrong.

Anyways, I was bleeeeaaaaak.

I’m still battling to balance myself after the sadness of losing my friend and a few other life stresses that are making my heart hurt. It’s hard to clean the house and cook food and parent teenagers and work and work and work and carry on being chirpy.

I wish I had a restart button I could press on myself, but I don’t, so I’m stuck with the slow and steady recovery method.

Don’t worry, I’m OK. I am high functioning. I am tough. I’ve been through worse. I think life is an awesome gift and I know my future is filled with wonderful stuff. I haven’t lost hope or anything scary like that.

But I need to restore my resilience.

Yesterday had its share of fun. The delighted eldest arrived home with a new pair of goth platform boots that mean he’s now about six foot two. The delighted youngest unpacked a pasta-making machine that my mum sent down for her and spent the afternoon making spinach fettucine (plus an incredible mess).

DD popped in after his dental appointment to float a few future holiday suggestions past me, which all seem increasingly far fetched as the COVID-19 cases start to climb again in NSW.

I made some speck and avocado sauce to go with the youngest’s fresh pasta.

I checked out my local Fitness First timetable, resolved to get back to some Pump classes and booked to do one today.

I ordered DD a birthday present online.

I made myself step away from the computer and watched a movie with the youngest.

And, after all that happened, I started feeling better.

These are strange times.

We need to cut ourselves some slack. We need to cut those around us some slack.

But not so much slack that we all get complacent and go around spreading COVID-19 … Well, the horse might have bolted on that one.

I hope not.

 

 

 

 

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