Writing on the wall

I am sooooooooo cranky.

It’s probably hormones. My boobs are hurting like Hades this week.

I’ve acquired a substantial set of norks in my old age. They appeared out of nowhere – I was so flat chested in my youth that I was still going bra-less at 35.

But these days my cup runneth over … most likely because my plate runneth over …

I wrote a blog post about the hell of having big PMT boobs back in 2016: “When I take off my bra at night … yeow! That little drop feels like I’ve thrown my tits over a cliff and they’ve gone splat at the bottom.”

It’s even worse now because they’ve had another growth spurt over the past two years.

Aside from the hurty chest, I’m also muttering the foulest language under my breath. Even the “c” word. I NEVER said the appalling “c” word until the “m” word came along.

According to a blog follower, the crazy hormones may be the cause of my panic attacks.

I Dr Googled the peri-menopause-panic link and there does seem to be a connection. Apparently fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone can cause anxiety or depression. Some women even develop a panic disorder during menopause.

What fun!

I’ve also discovered that anger can also be a menopause symptom. Estrogen controls how much serotonin is being produced in your brain. Serotonin is a chemical that helps regulate your moods. If you’re producing less estrogen, you’re also producing less serotonin. This can have a direct impact on how stable and optimistic you feel.

My current feeling is not terribly optimistic. I’m with the senior regional diplomat who said: “It’s fair to say that the world order died here along with Khashoggi. I’m dreading what comes next.”

Jamal Khashoggi is the bloke who went into the Saudi Arabian consulate in Istanbul to sort the paperwork so he could marry his fiancee and came out dismembered.

I really want the world to stop being such a dick.

I unleashed my fury on a poor, unsuspecting male over the weekend. We had opposing points of view on (what I see as) the universal vilification of men.

I ranted about how there are good men and bad men and good women and bad women.

Sure, men have the advantage of size and inherent sexism in society, but that doesn’t mean they all exercise it.

I see just as many viral videos of women being horribly racist as men. Actually, maybe more.

“The world is broken!” I wailed at my BBQ guest.

It’s fricking beyond me why it’s so hard to be kind, reasonable and not hurt other people.

My daily modus operandi is to be kind, reasonable and not hurt other people. It’s not that hard. And you feel much better about yourself afterwards. It’s a win-win situation.

But people are horrible to each other on social media, they are horrible to each other on public transport, they are horrible to each other in the workplace, they are horrible to each other in restaurants, they are horrible to each other EVERYWHERE.

They’re totally indiscriminate about it: they are horrible to strangers, acquaintances, their families … But somehow they still sleep at night.

And it disturbs me that governments around the world are setting such terrible examples.

Donald Trump is a no-brainer … in every sense of the word. But what the hell is going on in Oz?

I don’t care what your race or gender is. People are people and deserve to be treated equally.

However, human rights are being wound back tightly everywhere.

I read a scary article recently in the Independent called “Before our eyes, Italy is becoming a fascist state”.

It noted: “The latest eccentric proposal from the interior and deputy prime minister, Matteo Salvini, is to make ‘ethnic’ shops close at 9pm. This is because, in his view, some premises, ‘almost all managed by foreign citizens’, had ‘become the haunt of drunks and drug dealers’ in the evening.

“Readers may recall the boycott of Jewish shops and businesses pursued by Hitler in the 1930s, and the various curfews imposed on racial minorities by tyrants throughout history. Italy’s bizarre retail curfew is just the latest in a series of measures designed to turn the entire country into what might be termed a “hostile environment” for refugees, asylum seekers and economic migrants.

“We often think that fascism is a grainy, black-and-white newsreel affair, with ranting leaders in ridiculous uniforms strutting around a far off time. Today’s fascists are rather different, with their open-necked shirts and social media profiles. Yet the philosophy is identical.

“In Poland, in Hungary, in the Czech Republic, fascists run whole countries. In places such as Austria and Denmark they either share power or are close to it. In France the National Front is re-inventing itself, Macron almost a last hope for French democracy. In Germany we know what has happened; the rise of the AfD has pushed the two main parties into an uncomfortable permanent grand alliance, squeezing the life out of the social democrats, and leaving the neo-Nazis as the unofficial opposition. The same appears to be happening in Sweden.”

OK, I’m not just angry, I’m a bit scared too. Not of getting older, but of living to see the world slide into disarray.

And, on that cheery note, I’d better put a bra on and face the day.

I’ll do my best to tell you something funny tomorrow.

Song of the day: Stevie Wonder “Superstitious”