Putting myself out there

I joined RSVP three years ago this month. Happy anniversary to meeeeeeee!

Actually, joining RSVP was a pretty miserable milestone – hated it – but the experience ended well.

I explained to the youngest the other day that I met DD on a dating website. She was HORRIFIED.

It was funny to realise I’d never explained how I met him. He just suddenly started appearing occasionally in her life.

She still hasn’t had enough to do with him to feel entirely comfortable in his presence, but we’ll get there. I’m keen for him to give her a lesson on the Aldi guitar she begged to get for her birthday in March and has used as a room decoration ever since.

Maybe that will break the ice a bit.

I can’t quite believe it’s been three years since I first put myself out there on RSVP.

I was very reluctant, but a male friend kept badgering me to join. He reckoned I was “ready”. He was wrong, I was still pretty emotionally shattered just six months out of a 23-year relationship.

I remember finding RSVP quite confronting. I didn’t like the look of most of the blokes on it. Not that hawt looks are important to me, but there has to be something about their face that appeals and it was preferable that one of their profile pics didn’t feature them pretending to lick a penis cake (I swear, one of them was actually doing that).

Writing my profile was a little freaky too, because before I’d even finished typing it onto the site there were all these pings as I started getting “kisses” from blokes. The photo I’d uploaded was already being “viewed” as I agonised over what to say. Eeeeek.

Those first “kisses” were a bit arghbleah … contenders for men most likely to mug you in a dark alley.

As for my profile, I ended up being a bit cheesy with my opening gambit: “Tickle my funny bone.”

The rest was quite dreadful – pretty embarrassing considering I’d been a journalist for 30 years. DD noted a few weeks later: “Uour profile was very 5/10 but it had the sense of something more underneath and I’m kinda glad because if it had been better you would be madly texting someone else and not me.”

The blokes’ profiles freaked me out – they called themselves the strangest things, like Red Ducati or All Heart And Feelings or Dogs Bollocks. And then there were the profiles themselves, which kicked off with lines like …

“Naughty but nice.”

“Hey .. !!! Do you think you can keep up? Maybe !!”

“Bond …. James Bond.”

“Throw me a line and I’ll tow you to paradise.”

“You have to be pretty special…”

“Looking for some yummy brown chocolate? Zero calories guaranteed!”

“Wishing you enthusiastic confibularities just for reading my profile..”

“I always thought that this was cheating, but hey, I’ll give anything a go, got to be in it to win it!”

“You can feel the the pain and torture i have been through when you look deep into my eyes.”

I got VERY excited when a spunky 40-year-old sending me a “kiss”… until I read his profile. Here’s what he said: “Am here looking for the right woman who will accept me for who I am and not for what I have, a very nice, honest, caring, understanding … ” he sounds lovely so far, I know, until he added … “submissive that will love me till the rest of my life.”


DD’s profile was pretty awesome, damn him, though I was a little disturbed by him saying one of his favourite things was long guitar solos. I wasn’t quite sure I was up for a future filled with long guitar solos, but it beat being a “submissive”.

His photo wasn’t too promising. He looked all straighty-one-eighty and middle-aged businessman in a suit and tie with biker/accountant-style facial hair. Oh and there was a bonus photo of him in cycling skins. Geez there are a lot of cyclists on RSVP.

I like the real-life DD much better. And I love telling people about how we met. We regaled a newly divorced bloke with the tale at the party we went to on Saturday night. He’s still licking his severe wounds, so I don’t think he’s quite ready to re-enter the fray for quite a while. Maybe one day …

The youngest might be horrified, but I reckon it’s worth putting yourself out there to meet the right someone.

Song of the day: Simple Minds “Love song”




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