Live while I’m alive

I’m recovering from something I’ve decided to call “Mellencamp Syndrome.”

As I noted in that speech I gave at a breast cancer fundraiser last year:

Before my husband walked out, I was going through the motions.

Like the John Mellencamp song says: “Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.”

Those “Jack & Diane” lyrics ran through my head A LOT over the last 10 years.

I felt like a zombie pretending to be human.

But, as I wrote in 2015, my heart finally started beating again.

I’m not just talking lovey dovey stuff, I’m talking remembering how to feel joy during life in general.

I’m hungry to feel as alive as possible during whatever time I have left on this mortal coil.

I don’t intend on shuffling off it any time soon, but I want part of every week to be lived like it’s my last. I think living every day like it’s your last is a pretty tough call because there needs to be a bit of down time every now and again and you need to be realistic about having a job and running around after your kids and all those other inevitably mundane things.

However, I want to experience life in the biggest, most passionate way I can. I want it to be filled with laughter and beauty and love.

It’s too short to be wasted just existing.

I’ve also been pondering the things that are meaningful to the “new” me.

I know its a bit sappy (sorry, we’re talking about someone who listens exclusively to Smooth FM on the radio in the car), but I love that Savage Garden song “Affirmation”. That idea of knowing what you believe in. I identify many of the lyrics, and I’ve realised I’d like to live just about all of them (though I have no idea what he’s talking about in a couple of them):

“Affirmation”

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people’s hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it’s bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love until you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye
I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionairesI believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can’t appreciate real love until you’ve been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbyeI believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

It’s been more than three years since my marriage ended and the new me is still cooking (see It’s Time To Regenerate for the beginning of that journey). I’m a work in progress and I don’t have all the answers, but one thing I know for sure is that I never want to be a zombie again.

Song of the day: Savage Garden “Affirmation”

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