Grannie Al’s guide to the VMAs

Yesterday I was groaning like an old woman. Today I’m grumbling like one …

Remember the good old days when making sure you didn’t have a VPL when you went out on the town?

Those days gone sista. Nobody wears undies when they’re strutting their finest, so the VPL is obsolete.

“Grannie Al’s guide to the VMAs” sounds like it should be the new VPL, but VMA is short for “Video Music Awards”.

It’s some sort of MTV event and it’s quite something to follow on Instagram.

I’ve never actually watched it on tellie, but from what I can gather on social media it mainly seems to be about wearing as little as possible on the red carpet and then even less when you perform your song on stage.

You’ve gotta hand it to designers, they are very good at finding new ways to expose female flesh.

My Insta feed was chockers with shockers.

Let me show you some of my choice faves …

I also thought it was most entertaining that Kris Jenner posted this …

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Such a proud mumma!

And Miley Cyrus was obviously feeling left out, so she posted this flashback shot …

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The other thing I found eye-widening was this …

blue-ivy

I tried to gasp about it to someone at work, who replied “Blue who?”

Where’s my goss obsessed sister when I need her?

(Blue Ivy is the offspring of Beyonce and Jay Z and $11,000 seems rather a lot to spend on a dress for a pre-schooler.)

But Grannie Al’s top gong goes to the pregnant fiance of Nev Schulman. He’s the host of a show called Catfish, which sounds like quality television.

I know pregnancy can make you forgetful, but …

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I have no words.

I’d been hoping there would be some sort of scandal to add, but …

Apart from Kanye being given carte blanche to talk for four minutes (quite a loooooong time in broadcast land) before presenting the video for his new single, “Fade” and surprising everyone by just being garden variety weird instead of totally mad and offensive ….

And Rihanna rolling her eyes when Drake declared on stage “She is someone I’ve been in love with since I was 22-years-old” then dodging his smooch …

And Britney – gasp – lip synching (The New York Post notes: But let’s take a minute to remind ourselves that at the infamous 2007 VMAs, Britney Spears didn’t even seem to know where she was, and just months after, she was strapped to a gurney and being admitted to hospital for psychiatric treatment. Sure, the Britney show of 2001 is long gone – let’s take some joy in the fact that Britney of any kind is still here) ….

Everyone was pretty well behaved … in stark contrast to their outfits.

But, Grannie Al still wants to know … WHAT ON EARTH WAS(N’T) KIM KARDASHIAN WEARING and why did it look like her vajayjay was trying to gobble it up?

Song of the day: Skyhooks “All my friends are getting married”

 

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