Cracked idea

Have I told you about my genius idea to invent a moisturising thong?

(The flip-flop sort, not the stuck-up-your-clacker-like-dental-floss kind. Though that could be wildly successful among the post-menopausal set … )

Thongs wreak havoc on my feet. They make my heels look like scale models of the Grand Canyon during the summer months, when I scuzz about in rubber footwear. Birkenstocks do the same.

Every year I vow not to wear them too often, but every summer I get too lazy and end up wearing them EVERYWHERE, even to work.

Like my tummy tyres, I somehow manage to blank out how bad they look until they start catching on my fishnets, sheets, undies etc.

It’s not pretty.

Moisturising thongs seems like the perfect solution to me. WHY hasn’t someone invented one?

The next best thing is this Scholl Velvet Smooth thingy my mum gave me. I started sandpapering my heels with it yesterday arvo and it was AMAZING.

This is not an advertorial.


I am normally highly skeptical when it comes to beauty innovations. I tried that Baby Feet stuff once (you put your feet in a plastic bag with this stuff that feels like they’re being eaten by acid) and it was a total waste of time.

Whenever I visit the beautician she tries to talk me into buying some expensive, new-fangled thing that will make me beautiful again. I’m forced to create endless excuses – I’m very bad at just saying no – for why I won’t be buying the latest miracle cream because THERE ARE NO MIRACLES.

Well, except for the Scholl thing. It works. Only the most gigantic crater in my heel remains after a few minutes of very satisfying buffing, which filled the air with satisfying showers of dead skin snow.

I totally love it.

Now, about that moisturising thong … anyone want to bankroll me?

PS In my search for a suitable image for this blog I discovered someone has invented a C-string … “Invisible” underwear for people who think thongs cover up too much skin. So I illustrated today’s blather with it (see above) … because it was so insanely insane.




Doesn’t it look comfy?

Song of the day: Billy Joel “Just the way you are”

6 thoughts on “Cracked idea

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  1. I might need to invest in a scholl thingy!! And that other thing looks to be the most uncomfortable thing ever!!

  2. I’d just gotten down to the end of your post and that picture when my son walked in and demanded to know what I was reading. He didn’t believe that it was perfectly innocent.

  3. Thanks for the heads up re the Scholl thingy – I’ve looked at it before and wondered if it would be worth the money !!

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