Then everything fell apart

liz-lemon

Be careful what you write ….

You know how I blogged yesterday about having a happiness facelift?

Well my frown lines got a thorough work-out last night.

I had a looooong day in the office (goddamn parenting news for just keeping on relentlessly coming), went on a panicked search for a 75th birthday pressie for my dad, cooked the dogs some kangaroo mince for their dinner, turned my computer on … and lost the next hour of my life to fury.

My computer is very, very old. It takes about 30 minutes to boot up.

I am not a patient person. It would boot up faster if I didn’t keep obsessively sliding the mouse around and swearing at the screen.

While I waited tensely for the electronic antique to slowly grind to life … because I am the sort of sad person who cooks themselves a solo dinner (grilled salmon with pesto and mash) then eats it at the computer desk … I switched over to my iPhone for a little digital entertainment.

And my farking iPhone stopped working.

The touch screen thing just refused to co-operate, even after I hard-reset it, cleaned the screen, dried my fingers carefully, shook it 10 times and did a frustrated Indian war dance.

I dug out my work iPhone, but it was dead and did that annoying thing where it refuses to work for 10 minutes despite being plugged into the charger.

Aaaaaaannnnd my iPad was out of juice.

I was NOT happy.

It reminded me there are so many things in my life that need fixing/replacing.

Did I mention my 13-year-old car is slowly crumbling? The latest failure: one of the seatbelts in the back no longer works.

One child has to sit in the front because the kids refuse to sit sandwiched together in the middle and left rear seat.

Oh, and I bought a “bargain” $40 Canon printer at Woolies, finally got it working so I could start scanning my grandmother’s photo collection, then made the infuriating discovery that it’s JUST A FREAKING PRINTER. IT DOESN’T SCAN!

Cue another war dance.

Don’t get me started on the window cleaners who removed all the fly screens before I moved in and stacked them against a wall instead of putting them back on again.

Do you think I can work out which one goes on which window?

No. I cannot.

It’s like a freaking Rubik’s cube except with fly wire.

Let me see, what else?

The cooktop is rubbish. The automatic lighter thingy for the hobs doesn’t work and I have to use matches to get the thing going.

And all the lightbulbs in the house are slowly blinking out, one by one. My ex used to change the lightbulbs …

Actually, there’s one thing I’m hoping doesn’t work: Bilbo’s balls. I keep getting reminders from the vet that he’s due to have them chopped off, but it will cost hundreds so I keep putting it off.

Fingers crossed he doesn’t impregnate any snooty local bitches before payday.

And don’t get me started on the out-of-area-ones …

What needs fixing in your life?

Song of the day: EMF “You’re unbelievable”

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2 thoughts on “Then everything fell apart

  1. I have a scanner boxed unopened at home you can borrow for a while since I feel guilt about the Canon printer… I will comment on FB.

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