Invincible or loony?

black knight defeated

It would seem I’ve replaced house-buying stress with hormonal viciousness. Oh the vile slurs I’ve been silently hurling at Husband as I pack up the whole freaking house ON MY OWN while HE’S ON A SKIING HOLIDAY.

Goddamn him and his middle-aged dash from responsibility.

Good riddance!

Since watching Monty Python And The Holy Grail with the kids on the weekend, I’ve been feeling very Black Knighty. Do your worst and I won’t give in, I’ll go on fighting. Is that the worst you can throw at me, life? Pfffft, ’tis but a scratch!

The question is: am I invincible or loony?

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must cross this bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.

ARTHUR: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man.

ARTHUR: So be it! [hah] [parry thrust]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT’s left arm off]

ARTHUR: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT: ‘Tis but a scratch.

ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arm’s off!

BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn’t.

ARTHUR: Well, what’s that then?

BLACK KNIGHT: I’ve had worse.

ARTHUR: You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT: Come on you pansy! [hah] [parry thrust]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT’s right arm off]

ARTHUR: Victory is mine! [kneeling] We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc- [hah]

BLACK KNIGHT: Come on then.

ARTHUR: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!

ARTHUR: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?

ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have.

ARTHUR: Look!

BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound. [bang]

ARTHUR: Look, stop that.

BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken!

ARTHUR: Look, I’ll have your leg. Right! [whop]

BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I’ll do you for that!

ARTHUR: You’ll what?

BLACK KNIGHT: Come ‘ere!

ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BLACK KNIGHT: I’m invincible!

ARTHUR: You’re a loony.

Song of the day: Des’ree “You gotta be”

4 thoughts on “Invincible or loony?

  1. Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis?
    Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong?
    It’s swell to have a stiffy.
    It’s divine to own a dick,
    From the tiniest little tadger
    To the world’s biggest prick.
    So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
    Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
    Your piece of pork, your wife’s best friend,
    Your Percy, or your cock.
    You can wrap it up in ribbons.
    You can slip it in your sock,
    But don’t take it out in public,
    Or they will stick you in the dock,
    And you won’t come back.
    Oh, thank you very much.

  2. I forced my five to watch this movie. Three walked out in disgust. Two stayed. One laughed his head off and the other sat stony faced through the entire movie. At the finale the serious one stood up in outrage and couldn’t believe the ending. He’d thought the movie was a historical drama! To be fair he was only nine. It seems only one of my children is mine. #4kidsswitchedatbirth.

    • It is a very particular brand of humour … that thankfully lots of my friends (and now one of my children) appreciates! But there are plenty of people who’ve looked at me blankly when I’ve been rhapsodying (is that word?) over the past week.

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