Am I Maleficent?

I took the kids to see Maleficent. I know, I know, the youngest is only 8 and it’s rated “M” and I feel really bad for thinking “I hope it’s only ‘M’ for violence” …

Meh, it was fine. Lord of The Rings leaves it for dead in the horrific slaughter stakes.

And the kids emerged totally unscathed.

I, on the other hand, cried at regular intervals during the screening, but then a weather report could make me weep these days.

I also got all esoteric about how I WAS Maleficent.

OK, OK, I don’t look the slightest bit like Maleficent. My god, Angelina Jolie has the most incredible face on the planet.

But Maleficent’s story freaked me out.

It goes like this: The young fairy Maleficent falls in love with a boy called Stephan and gives him her heart. But when he grows up, he’s seduced by greed and burns off her precious wings to secure the throne.

“I had wings once, and they were strong,” she recalls. “They could carry me above the clouds and into the headwinds, and they never faltered. Not even once.”

Heartbroken Maleficent turns to the dark side. When Stephan becomes king and fathers a daughter, she puts a curse on the baby, Aurora. It will be invoked on her 16th birthday after she pricks her finger on a spinning wheel. Yup, Sleeping Beauty.

Stephan’s guilt and fear for his daughter drive him mad. His neglected Queen dies.

Maleficent meanwhile grows to regret her terrible curse. She tries desperately to revoke it, without success.

“I was so lost in hatred and revenge,” Maleficent confesses.  “I never dreamed that I could love you so much. You stole what was left of my heart. And now I’ve lost you forever.”

In the final moments of the film, as peace descends, a voiceover intones: “It took a great hero and a terrible villain to make it all come about. And her name was Maleficent.”

Sitting in that darkened cinema, I feared my righteous anger won’t make me a great, just a terrible villain. And in the process I’ll lose what I love …

On the other hand, maybe I just over-analyse things a little too much …

As for the movie itself, to be honest, it’s a bit meh too. Gorgeous to look at, but there’s something intangible lacking, despite the tears it invoked and the totally mesmerising performance by Angelina.

Song of the day: Florence and the Machine “Seven devils”