My week: baby panic, bizarre body paint and my new pet hate

Things got all Marathon Man-y for me last week during a visit to the dentist. In my younger flush days I went to a lovely bloke in Paddington who pumped me full of laughing gas before he got to work. These budget years we go en-masse as a family to the medical-fund-run dental centre. Shudder. My jaw was swollen for days after having enormous, nasty x-ray plates shoved down onto them.  Shudder, shudder, shudder … and a bit more shuddering …

Although we did find this lost-in-time arcade on our way there, featuring a whole shop with teeny tiny animals in teeny tiny bottles. It was FREAKY and fun and the kids had to be dragged away so Mummy and Daddy could get moules, frites and alcohol to wash away the unpleasant dental memories.

Then the Royal baby sent me into a total spin. I’d get up around 5am every morning and almost lose my shite at the realisation another monumentally big milestone had occurred. Day one: labour. Day two: birth. Day three: first glimpse of bub. Day four: name announcement.

I was KNACKERED by the end of it. My nerves were shot from the panic of trying to post on Facebook as fast as humanly possible.

Read my Regal Round-up here. 

Speaking of knackered, I wrote a post called Send Me To The Knackery about how everything hurts because I’m getting so ooooooold. Then I reminisced about the time I got botox.

belly-11

I needed something mindless to recover, so I blogged 20 Awesome (Painted) Pregnant Bellies.

And in Flashback Friday I reminisced about the time I was shamed by Mrs Geoffrey Rush. And a fellow has commented, but I haven’t approved it yet, that: “In a hurry to publish the photos hey? I think you’ve already met Mrs Rush when you’re looking in the mirror.”

And I’m still trying to work out exactly what he means – I really must have fried my brain – but I don’t think it’s good. That’s ok, what I did wasn’t good. I deserve it.

hot-air-balloon-lolly-bags

Then on Saturday I happened to notice that my sixth most popular post of all time was one called 10 Awesome Loot Bags, so I blogged 9 More Awesome Loot Bags. 

Editing iVillage made me weep this week. So many heartfelt stories. But it wasn’t all tears. There was joy during the royal birth, laughter at some hilarious videos and drooling over the most divine recipes. Here are my editor’s favourite stories of the week …

Photo: This dad won't live to see his daughter get married - but he's come up with a moving plan to make sure he's part of the day >> http://bit.ly/15gB1KY

Her dad is dying of cancer, so this woman filmed a father-daughter dance with him for her future wedding day. Watch and weep (thousands have already, even the ones that admitted “I was not going to cry but I so did!”) >>http://bit.ly/15gB1KY

Photo: Nobody wanted these conjoined triplets. Then something beautiful happened... http://bit.ly/143YaDR

Nobody wanted these conjoined triplets. Then something beautiful happened… Would you have the courage to do what this amazing couple did? http://bit.ly/143YaDR

Photo: A mum writes about the harrowing moment she watched her husband battle to save their son's life >> http://bit.ly/12aU4bJ

This mum’s description of  the harrowing moment she watched her husband battle to save their son’s life brought back a similar moment for me, when our daughter choked in a restaurant. Chills. Read it here >> http://bit.ly/12aU4bJ

Although I did get a bit huffy with someone who took issue with how the husband saved the kid and it not being the St John’s Ambulance sanctioned way and I was like, hey, you’re kid’s dying, you do what you can …

Photo: This teen wrote a bucket list she never got the chance to fulfil ... so hundreds of strangers are completing it in her honour. Read the awesome details here  >> http://bit.ly/13612JI

This teen wrote a bucket list she never got the chance to fulfil … so hundreds of strangers are completing it in her honour. Read the awesome details here >> http://bit.ly/13612JI

Photo: We're thinking of Diana today. This would have been her first grandchild. Like if you feel the same way >> http://bit.ly/13yJFon

I felt so sad for Prince William, not having his mum around this week. Prince George would have been Princess Diana’s first grandchild. Read what I had to say about it here >> http://bit.ly/13yJFon

I also wrote about why I don’t think solving the gender imbalance is a simple as telling girls they’re smart instead of pretty. And then I braced myself for a slamming >> http://bit.ly/15Kyl7m

But people were surprisingly nice. Admittedly one of them was my Facebook friend, but she said: “I think this is one of the best things you’ve written, Alana.”

Thanks Leanne!

And another one said: “Great article – Alana, I feel like you’re my kinda people, you just sound bloody sensible  (grammatical error intended)”

Unfortunately damn autocorrect made me sound like a total bitch for a few hours when I replied: “Think Nicola. I try to keep it pragmatic!” instead of “Thanks Nicola.”

Eeek. I’ve belatedly apologised but I think the damage may have been done.

kate-post-baby-body

Did you feel pressured to lose your ‘baby weight’ within weeks of giving birth? We were horrified to see certain media outlets already speculating on when Princess Kate would lose hers. Here’s why being skinny doesn’t make you a better mum >> http://bit.ly/12kfO50

I loved this story by a dad who explains why fathers don’t deserve hero worship for looking after their own children. “I’m not babysitting my kids. I’m their dad,” he says. Ooops, I’m guilty of saying my husband is babysitting when I go out. You? This story is a great read  >>http://bit.ly/16Y1cnS

On the other side of the spectrum, this mum says she’s discovered the secret to ‘having it all’? Do you agree with her confronting theory? >> http://bit.ly/12Mo3lk
Photo: I've given birth three times. And each time there were no media waiting outside. But it felt like there SHOULD have been. Because giving birth, no matter who you are, is a BIG DEAL. We should all get commemorative stamps and teatowels and notices posted on palace gates. This gallery of birth photos and first-time mums is a beautiful reminder that all births are amazing - Mia xxxx >>http://bit.ly/13HOlqU

The iVillage team decided it shouldn’t be all about the royal bub this week – what about all the non-royal mums out there? Mia Freedman wrote: “I’ve given birth three times. And each time there were no media waiting outside. But it felt like there SHOULD have been. Because giving birth, no matter who you are, is a BIG DEAL. We should all get commemorative stamps and teatowels and notices posted on palace gates. This gallery of birth photos and first-time mums is a beautiful reminder that all births are amazing” >>http://bit.ly/13HOlqU

Photo: Make sure you put down your cuppa before you watch this hilarious coffee ad >> http://bit.ly/15WTcq2
This coffee ad made me cry with laughter >> http://bit.ly/15WTcq2
And I wasn’t expecting it to, but this video of the most easily scared man ever—a French guy working in a restaurant did too, after his fifth identical squeal. Watch and giggle here. 

milo-recipes

It turns out there are more uses for Milo than making hot chocolate (or eating it straight out of the tin with a spoon) – check out these yummy recipes >> http://bit.ly/12h9mM2

boozy

With these 14 adults-only desserts, you can have your cake and get tipsy too. That’s how the saying goes, right? >> http://bit.ly/15gLtCl

Photo: Allow us help you with the never-ending task of planning a week's worth of family dinners. Why not give these recipes a try? >> http://bit.ly/16TnEi4

And these were my suggestions for planning a week’s worth of family dinners – BLT linguine and slow-cooked pork shoulder included. Why not give these recipes a try? >>http://bit.ly/16TnEi4

Oh, and I forgot … my new pet hate. It’s people who comment on articles on Facebook without READING THEM. What is with that? How can anyone be confident enough to do that without worrying they’ll look like an ignorant fool? But they do, all the time. And they do, all the time.

Drop me a line and tell me your favourite moments of the week, or where you think iVillage is getting it right or wrong at info@ivillage.com.au

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