Is the whole world on a bloody diet except me?

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I had the best intentions of cutting the carbs in the lead-up to going shopping to a wedding in the US next month. But every week I’ve found a new excuse for not doing it. I had the flu (the kind where you retain your appetite), I had the blues (the kind where you retain your appetite), I had my birthday, I had Sprog 2’s birthday …

But everywhere I turn other people are dieting their socks off with raging success and smugness.

If I hear the words Fast Diet or 5-2 Diet ONE MORE TIME I WILL SCREAM. I don’t believe in it. I think it’s dangerous in the wrong hands. Or maybe I’m just violently jealous of every man and his dog going great guns on it.

Same goes for that iphone app that scans barcodes and sets you a 1200-a-day limit on calories. Countless friends are doing that one too and tapping away on their phones when I see them, boasting about shedding 10 kilos in eight weeks.

Damn their willpower, their self-restraint, their resolve. Damn their “it’s not as hard as I thoughts” and their “I don’t even feel hungry anymores”.

Ohhh, I’m damning people again. I must have PMT (already? geez it’s getting closer and closer together as menopause approaches). And there’s another excuse not to go on a diet. Can’t possibly go on a diet when I have PMT. PMT requires too much chocolate (stolen from my children’s pre-Easter supplies) and smoked duck risottos to accommodate a diet.

Are you on a diet? How’s it going? Tell me all about it so I can rant about yours too. Or tell me how dangerous diets are and how it’s much safer to be fat. That would be fun too. 

4 thoughts on “Is the whole world on a bloody diet except me?

  1. Diets are for losers! Yes you do lose weight but it’s usually temporarily – who can maintain that level of success and smugness indefinitely? My theory is you also lose a crucial piece of your personality – fun – and gain a new trait which isn’t all that appealing – X-ray eyes. Seriously, do we need a friend’s beady eye zeroing in on our delicious piece of cake (insert- muffin, pastry, tart, chocolate) in a sharp new judgemental way? I can’t, simply cannot not have a little something sweet with my coffee, and it isn’t always that little either. As my teenage daughter says, “YOLO!”

    A pox on diets! They make people thin and bitter. You sound healthy, balanced and pretty happy 🙂

  2. I just saw an advertorial for “BodyTrim” promising you’ll lose 5 kilos in 7 days – I wouldn’t want to lose that much weight in such a short space of time. Surely that’s not healthy. I’d feel weak and cranky, and it would just be fluid-loss anyway, and the weight would come back on as soon as I ate normal food (ie not a “protein shake”). I went on a juice-fast for three days once. I lost three kilos, but my lips turned orange from all the carotene and I was miserable. And yes, the weight went straight back on as soon as I ate a piece of bread. I think it’s better just to eat “normally” and that occasional treats are part of a balanced diet and lifestyle. I just need to fine-tune my definition of “occassional” and “treat”. And I must accept that a breakfast of two slices of toast with butter AND peanut butter does not lead to weight loss. Not to mention the after dinner icecream. And chocolate. This diet/weight stuff is all such a pain isn’t it?

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