Voyeur

Occasionally I write a blog on Housegoeshome that gets picked up by a website such as Mamamia. It’s complicated when this happens, because I tend to blithely rant/blather to my readers – many of whom are my friends and family – rather than carefully craft articles for publication in “foreign” settings.

It means misunderstandings – more like not-complete understandings – arise. And, being the anxious type, I end up gnashing my teeth and wishing I’d explained myself better.

The Mamamia readers aren’t familiar with my history. They haven’t been keeping up with my daily trevails. This puts them at a disadvantage when it comes to knowing my personal situation. (This is possibly a good thing, imagine what they’d say if they knew I was a shopping addict who passes out at dinner parties?)

Don’t get me wrong, I love it when my blogs get republished. Thank you, Mamamia! Clicks on my blog go up 500% in a day. And I get lots of new subscribers. OK, maybe five (welcome!).

But I also have to suck it up when strangers make presumptions about my life choices. Because I’ve put myself out there (as Husband often shudders and reminds me).

One of my blogs, “Childcare: kids are okay, parents are stuffed” was published on Mamamia this week. And I suddenly had 100+ people weighing in. Even Kate Ellis, the Minister for Early Childhood and Child Care, posted something. I checked the comments every now and then to see what they were saying about me, it was quite voyeuristic.

I made a couple of remarks, but basically stayed out of the debate because I didn’t want to seem like I was making 50 million whining excuses for my decision not to work or failing to succeed in juggling work and family.

But the burning desire to explain eventually got the better of me, so I’ve decided to reply here – ah, the cowardly way – just to get it off my chest.

Anonymous said: “So you have to go back to work 4 months after bub is born? But you bought a Bugaboo and A Booiri cot!!! Well buy cheaper ones and have another month at home!!!”

Actually, it had nothing to do with money. I went back to work after four months because I was the editor of Woman’s Day and I wasn’t allowed more time off. Unless I didn’t want to be the editor of Woman’s Day any more. I was still quite keen on being editor of Woman’s Day, because it was my once-in-a-lifetime career peak so I went back. It wasn’t about getting a Bugaboo. I thought Bugaboos were a bit odd-looking. And yes, ridiculously expensive.

Megs said: “Alana, you should freelance! You’re a journalist! You could make great money as a freelancer (and when you work from home you get lots of great tax deductions). It’s the only way I can make it work, as a working mum and a a writer – going back to an office job would be such a struggle now. I’m so grateful that I don’t have to.”

This is quite true in theory, but for some mad reason I’ve decided to write a blog which consumes vast slabs of my day and pays me nothing. I do write for websites, but they also pay nothing or next to nothing. I’ve written a travel story in exchange for a holiday rather than payment. Several months ago I was commissioned to write a feature and I haven’t typed a single word because I never seem to find the time. I was going to start on it yesterday but housework got in the way. So, yes, I should freelance for some cash. But I don’t seem to be managing it very well.

The Best Au Pair suggested: “A realistic option for many families is an au pair. An au pair is like a live in Nanny, but she / he is a young person on cultural exchange from another country. An au pair only costs $150 a week + all meals and a room in the family home. They work 35 hours! Having an au pair means that mum / dad can either go back to work earlier / for more hours or even full time. You don’t have to rush to drop off the children, or pick them up, and you can get home with the house all clean and tidy, dinner cooked, and your child has been played with, or having done painting, reading, sport or whatever…”

Ah, yes, that sounds fabulous, except for the bit where a stranger moves into my study. I don’t fancy a stranger living in my study. It reminds me of when I lived in Singapore and my expat friends had live-in maids. I didn’t like that idea much either. Especially when they slept in a closet beside the laundry that was about 2m x 1m. I preferred to paid someone to come and clean the place once a week. Plus, I hate the small talk.

Danielle commented: “I know this is a different opinion to have but, why are you all staying past 5pm to start with? You only need to work the required amount of hours a day, why are all of you who are working later and longer making it hard on us who only want to work from 9-5?”

I love the idea of a job that finishes at 5pm. And I love that there are people who think all jobs are about working “the required amount of hours a day”. That would be such bliss. But journalists generally don’t work 9-5pm. Because the news/gossip never stops.

Kathy wanted to know: “What about the children’s father? Was he unable to help? Seems as though Alana is shouldering all of the burden. I had to read this twice to make sure she was not a single parent. It appears as though she is. What’s his excuse?”

His excuse is that he’s a journalist too, on a newspaper, which is even harder to escape from at night than a magazine. So he’d do the school drop-offs and I’d do the pick-ups. Now he doesn’t have to worry about doing either, which makes me – ironically – appear more like a single parent than I did when we were both working.

Dee: “I was nodding through this article and got to the end and was disappointed that the solution was not working. Not that it isn’t right for the author’s family, I was just hoping to see something that makes it work.”

Me too, Dee. I have this dream about starting a magazine run by parents that has flexible working hours for all. There’s just the small problem of print media being a bit wobbly right now and me not having any cash to burn.

That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on the idea of finding a job that gives satisfaction and flexibility. But I do think I’ll be making some pretty big compromises in terms of  job description to get a position that allows me to feed my kids at the dinner table instead of in the car.

I’ll let you know how I go …