The not-so-neighbourly neighbours were at it again on Friday night – those guys are machines. It was followed by some party animal action on the other side on Saturday night, plus assorted other sleep distractions, which culminated, as every weekend does at our place, with the garbage trucks at 5am on Monday morning.
A little verse sprang to mind …
The chooks have nestled into their coop now.
The Sprogs have laid down with their [assorted bunnies, teddies, monkeys and] sheep.
I’m cozy and warm in my bed, you hear.
Neighbours, please go the fuck to sleep.
The windows are dark in the suburb.
The tadpoles have settled in the deep.
I’ll read one last chapter on my Kindle, then I swear
You’d better turn down the music and go the fuck to sleep.
The worms in their farm are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you’re not sorry. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.
Cease guzzling fruity lexia straight from the nozzle, my young neighbours, and sleep.
The wind whispers soft through the jacarandas.
The possums, they make not a peep.
It’s eleven thirty-eight already.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep.
The rest of suburbia’s in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, don’t turn the music up louder.
You know where you should go? The fuck to sleep.
The bats fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart.
For god’s sake, turn that fucking doof-doof down and sleep.
The seeds slumber beneath the earth now
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more excuses. I’ve called the cops.
They’ve got two words for you, kids: fucking sleep.
The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
Fuck your 18th birthday party, I’m over this shit.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.
The flowers doze low in the meadows
And high on the mountains so steep.
If I don’t get some rest, I’ll be an even crappier parent.
Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep.
The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing.
As I lie here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, I’ll pop sleeping tablets and earplugs.
Who the fuck cares? You’re not gonna sleep.
This room is all I can remember.
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You yell “woo”. You clink beer bottles.
As I try desperately to nod the fuck off and sleep.
Bleary and dazed I doze briefly.
Then cautiously remove my earplugs and to the bathroom creep
My fingers are crossed tight when suddenly I hear
Karaoke coming up from the deep.
The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
Where the hell are you? Can’t you hear your dog yapping?
Tell him to lie the fuck down and sleep.
I toss in bed, try to drift towards dreamland.
When suddenly something starts to beep.
Oh shit. Goddamn it. You’ve gotta be kidding.
A car alarm? No! Spare me! I just want to go the fuck to sleep.
(Thank you to Adam Mansbach for inspiring me with his hilarious book, Go The Fuck To Sleep)
housegoeshome 
Grrrrrr! I had a noisy neighbour in Bondi and it was the WORST. I used to have heart palpitations as soon as I turned into my street as I anticipated the noise and idiocy I’d have to deal with that afternoon/evening.
Our current neighbours have their house on the market and I’m terrified of getting new noisy neighbours, especially now that we’ve just created a nice outdoor entertaining space. Sitting on the deck with a glass of wine is best enjoyed without doof music!
Bondi, noisiest suburb on the planet. When were you there? We left early 2004.
We left mid 2003. I was 12 weeks pregnant with 1st baby. We found a nice, quiet little apartment in Clovelly to move into instead. Are you still in the vicinity? East?
Nah, that’s no place to raise a family. Though I do quite like a sea breeze.
LOL!!! Sorry – had to say that! Brilliant though, just brilliant. You did have me laughing out loud (and I love you lots too)!
Glad being forewarned didn’t ruin the joke. So nice to have you guys over.