Do your children snack on fruit, low-sodium wholewheat crackers and natural yoghurt? Well bully for you. Sprog 2’s diet drives me to despair. She’s a processed food junkie. There’s one faintly beige “wholemeal” bread she’ll eat. Her morning tea is a shameful collection of little plastic-wrapped, artificially coloured and flavoured treats. Getting her to consume fruit requires extensive begging. When she rose at the crack of dawn yesterday, it cramped my normal routine. It’s hard to maintain a cracking pace on your morning march when there’s a short-legged person trailing in your wake, plaintively wondering why you’re going so fast. So I decided a goal might quicken her pace. We embarked on a quest. Our holy grail? A cheese and bacon roll. Yes, yes, a banana would have been a more health-conscious grail, but that wasn’t going to fly with Sprog 2. Especially not at 6.30am. I thought a cheese and bacon roll would be a cinch to find in Albury on a Sunday morning. I was wrong. We trudged up and down the streets and malls, desperately hoping something would open soon. We lingered outside Bakers’ Delight outlets, waiting vainly for the lights to come on. After 90 minutes, Sprog 2 was getting close to cracking it. I was getting close to cracking it. I wanted a cup of peppermint tea and my Sunday paper. I made fruitl forays into cheese-and-bacon-roll-less Safeway and Coles, suggesting alternatives of white bread rolls, croissants, muesli bars … No deal. Sprog 2 countered with a treat from the lolly shelf at the newsagent. No dice. We turned crankily for home. Two blocks away, Sprog 2 started lobbying for one last trip to the shopping centre. We turned and retraced our steps. (Yes, I am crazy.) The security guard was just unlocking the sliding glass doors as we arrived. Baker’s Delight hadn’t turned on the lights, but someone had caught the attention of the baker and briefly altered his job description. I dove in. I only had a $20 note. For some reason, I felt guilty buying a single cheese and bacon roll from a baker with a $20 note. So I bought five. The spring in Sprog 2’s step was restored as we made our way home. Her cousins declined my offer of cheese and bacon rolls for breakfast. They were too busy eating their holier-than-thou toast and Sultana Bran. Waste makes me twitchy, but even I couldn’t come at four cheese and bacon rolls for breakfast. I mean, look at them. Ewww. I might take them home for the chooks. The chooks love pork products. You should see them with a pork chop. It’s quite Hitchcockian.
TONIGHT’S DINNER: We’re on the road all day, trekking seven arduous hours back to Sydney, so I’m thinking takeaway.