Life in a Pink Fibro wrote a great blog yesterday called 10 Things I Learned Last Week and I take my hat off her, because my week was more about what I didn’t learn. Hopefully it means I will eventually learn, but knowing me, probably not.
Pink Fibro learned stuff like: “When comics and real life collide, it’s not easy to explain to an eight-year-old why the news story accompanying the picture of The Joker is not for him to read.”
Yep, that was a tricky one at the Household on Sunday too.
Here are the 10 Things I didn’t learn during the past seven days:
1. Not to do squats in a pump class with 8 kilo weights on my shoulders (oooh yeah, I’m an Olympian in the making) when I have a dodgy disc in my pelvis …
You’d think the fact my lower back was quite hurty would have been a dead giveaway, but no, I went ahead and did the squats anyway. And I’ve subsequently paid $250 - and counting – in osteo bills to get my dodgy disc fixed. And yet, I keep asking the osteo when I can go back to pump again.
2. To think before I blog …
While visiting the osteopath on Friday, I cheerily revealed I had a blog called Housegoeshome. Then promptly forgot I’d made the anouncement. Then went home and wrote a blog called Let’s talk about me, me, me. It included such memorable sentences as: “Then she started doing this alarming crunching thing to my back. It made me giggle uncontrollably, while thinking: “Fark, this is good way to end up a paraplegic”.
While visiting the osteopath again yesterday, I mentioned Husband having a fit when he heard I’d been “cracked”. The osteopath laughed and said, “Well, just as long as you don’t blog about your husband not liking osteopaths.”
My face went all startled rabbit. The osteopath laughed again and said, “joking”. My face remained all startled rabbit.
Because I had blogged about Husband not liking osteopaths, and god knows what else. Had she read it? Would she read it? What exactly did I say in the blog? I couldn’t remember. Was it terrible?
Then she told me to “play dead” and go all floppy and she could crack my neck again – which I’d been determined not to let her do, but felt obliged after the blogging thing - except I went all tense and screwed my face up like I was about to get shot instead. Because guilt makes me rigid.
3. To check my calendar …
Not only did I blog anti-osteo propaganda, I didn’t turn up to my appointment at 12.40pm. I suddenly remembered at 1.05pm that I was meant to be there 25 minutes earlier and FREAKED. I rang all panicked and said I could be there in 10 minutes. They rescheduled me for 3.20pm instead, which was kinda inconvenient with the whole picking the Sprogs up at 3pm thing, but better than being charged for not turning up at all. When I got there, I felt like a total heel because the osteopath had made her massage assistant turn up early especially for me and I hadn’t showed. Mortified.
4. To tidy up the house before repairmen come …
Husband has gone all weird and sporty after becoming addicted to the Tour De France on
my his Apple TV thingy. So he organised someone to come over yesterday and install a new TV antennae connection - finally, after a year without free-to-air - so he can watch the Olympics. The guy wanted to know whether there was an antennae on the roof. I looked at him blankly. He wondered if it might be inside the roof. A little lightbulb went off in my brain, “Yes! There is! I was wondering what that was doing in there. I thought it was metal waste left behind by the previous owners.” So he asked to go upstairs and examine the antennae. And I almost died. Because upstairs still resembled the photo I posted last week. He said that was fine, he’d seen worse. But it wasn’t, because he literally wouldn’t have been able to access the attic door through all my bras and undies and general shite piled to waist height. So I had to ask him to wait downstairs for five minutes while I scrambled around moving all the detritus behind the bed.
5. To graciously accept a compliment …
As previously mentioned in a blog called Nancy No-Fun, my guests sent messages thanking me for hosting a lovely Christmas in July on Saturday and all I could do was whinge about my disappointment in some of the dishes. And so, as also previously mentioned, one of the guests growled: “Just say cheers and be happy.”
Why can’t I just do that? Why?
6. To be patient …
About a month ago, I sent a feature story to an editor who’d commissioned it. I got anxious that she hadn’t written back to say she’d received it and worried it had gone astray. So I sent her a reminder yesterday, enquiring as to whether she’d seen the article and whether it needed amending. She replied: “Yes I received the story thanks. I’ve had other more pressing priorities since then.”
Damn, I’d bugged someone who was really busy and she sounded a teensy bit annoyed about it. Why did I have to go and do that? But surely it’s not too much to expect someone to let you know they’ve received your article and will be in touch closer to publication if there’s anything they need? Maybe my tone was wrong in my follow-up email. Now she’ll never ask me to write anything again because I’m too needy …
And then I started feeling all wobbly.
7. To not be upset by off-hand emails …
Now that I’ve re-read her email, I don’t think she was particularly pissed off with me. Off-hand perhaps, but not deliberately testy. Tone is so easily misconstrued electronically. You’d think I’d realise that after all the emails I’ve sent that have given people the wrong impression. But I don’t. I still get upset by them every single time.
8. To ignore Husband when he says “come and have a look at this” during episodes of Man v Wild …
It will invariably be something hideous like Bear Grylls grabbing a snake and biting its tail off and chewing it - and somehow not vomitting – so he doesn’t starve in the desert.
Gross. Gross. Gross.
I think I liked it better when the Tour De France was on.
I should include two more things I haven’t learned to match Pink Fibro’s 10 but my brain has gone on the blink. So 8 will have to do.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DIDN’T LEARN LAST WEEK?