Yes, I really did

I peed in a vase yesterday.

Circumstance left me with no choice.

I wake up each morning around 5.45am, desperate to do a wee.

But I hold that thought because if I make a sound the dogs will start barking and scratching at the laundry door, demanding I take them for a walk.

So I cross my legs while I publish my blog post and skim social media. Around 6.30am, I hastily pull on my gym gear and dash to the bathroom.

Yesterday, however, I heard an ominous noise as I was tying my shoelaces.

Someone shut the bathroom door.

That was odd. My children never emerge from bed before 7.30am.

I realised it must be a friend of the eldest’s who had stayed over.

No problem, I thought, I will just cross my legs for a minute longer.

Then I heard the shower start and panicked.

I was BUSTING to go to the loo. BUSTING.

I scurried out of my bedroom and looked around wildly for a solution.

I flung the balcony door open and seriously considered using the grass pet potty. I scoped the street to estimate how many people might be watching if I dropped my dacks and did an al fresco wee.

Too many.

I ran back inside and contemplated the laundry sink.

Too high.

I dashed into the kitchen and started rifling through the Tupperware cupboard.

Plastic takeaway container?

Too small.

Mixing bowl?

Too gross to ever bake with again.

I eyed a vase on the kitchen bench.

Time was running out. It would have to do. I put it on the floor.

Ahhhhhhhhh ….

Then I picked up the very full vase and thought Now what?

The shower was still running, which meant the bathroom was out of bounds.

So I put the wee vase in the laundry sink and took the dogs for a walk.

It’s all glamour at my place.


Song of the day: Wilson Phillips “Hold on”

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