Death by sausage roll

I forgot that yesterday was bring-a-plate-to-work day for the office Christmas party.

My workmate Tim forgot too, so we ventured out together in search of supplies. Keenly priced party food is in short demand in The Rocks, so we ended up at a dodgy bakery on George Street where we both paid through the nose for a motley selection of baked goods that we chopped up and hastily threw onto a plate.

There was an extravagant spread on offer at the Christmas lunch. I had some cheese and crackers, a piece of sausage roll, a piece of quiche, a piece of cheese and spinach roll, a piece of Greek shortbread and a piece of rocky road.

At 6pm, I dashed out the door to go to dinner with my friends Netty and Cass.

As I stood at the bus stop I thought, ooooh, I don’t feel so good. The bus arrived, I climbed aboard and immediately broke out in a cold sweat.

I felt like I might die at any moment and there were eight stops to endure before I reached my final destination.

I contemplated getting off the bus a few stops early, but I was already running late for my dinner rendezvous so I hung in there.

When I arrived at my destination, I faced a dilemma. Did I dash into the little Japanese restaurant where I was belatedly meeting my friends for dinner or did I slip into the pub toilet across the road.

I chose the pub toilet, which was in the basement of the hotel and thankfully deserted.

What happened next was not pretty. I am blaming the sausage roll. It tasted a bit funny.

When I finally emerged, I crossed the road, sat down to dinner with my friends and apologetically explained why I was late.

My friends suggested that I head home, but I am a hardy creature and said I would tough it out. So my friend Netty launched into a long but very entertaining story.

About halfway through her story, I thought I was going to die all over again, but I waited for the punchline, made my apologies and dashed back over to the pub, throwing a request for a glass of pink wine over my shoulder.

The next 10 minutes were also not pretty.

I wobbled back to the restaurant, took a swig of pink wine and perused the menu. I was still feeling pretty ordinary, but we ordered kaarage cauliflower, agadashi tofu, cucumber sushi, sashimi and teriyaki chicken.

It’s not what one should ideally eat when one has been close to death on two occasions in less than an hour but, hey, I’m an enternal optimist.

Fortunately that was the end of my internal trauma and I replaced all the lost calories while having a lovely time with my friends, who I’ve known since we worked at Cosmopolitan magazine back in the glory days.

I am a bit nervous about going to work today and discovering how many people had sausage roll poisoning last night.

Song of the day: ACDC “It’s a long way to the top”

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