That was unexpected

I read three very unexpected things yesterday.

The first was on Facebook, in my suburb’s private Facebook group. Someone wrote: “Hi all. Can anyone recommend where I can hire Alpacas for a party? Thank you — looking for recommendations.”

Hello, what?

I suppose it’s hardly unexpected in an area where every second car is a Porsche four-wheel drive.

Someone responded with this entertaining comment: “I will dress in an alpaca suit and spit at the children for $12.50 an hour plus access to food and drinks (will provide a Covid negative result 24 hours before arrival). N.B I have nothing against the children and the spitting with be done with natural Alpaca instinct not toxic human resentment.”

That made me laugh. Although it turned out it wasn’t for a kid’s party but an adult one.

Another person who is obviously friends with the alpaca hunter said: “I bloody love you but this is next level.”

Then lots of people started recommending a business called The Llama Collective, so having exotic animals at your party is obviously a thing.

Someone wrote: “My friends had The Llama Collective at their wedding. Was amazing!!”

I’m sure it was.

Then the cautions started rolling in: “My friends mum is trying to rehome two…you’d have to keep them lol. Apparently no one wants them because they are really bad tempered 😆 I think my mum is going to end up with them because she’s got a farm…people just keep dropping off orphans & grumpy old things & she gets stuck looking after them.”

And of course there was a wowser, there’s always a wowser, who started ranting about cruelty to animals.

The second unexpected thing was that Gywneth Paltrow has created a vibrator for her healthly lifestyle platform Goop, following her success with vagina-scented candles.

The intimate “wand” that doubles as a “massager” launched on Monday for $US95 ($A122) and has already sold out – and has a growing waitlist.

Gwyneth announced the news by sharing a throwback photo of herself from the 1999 Academy Awards on Instagram with her Oscar replaced by the sex toy.

“Beat you to it … I know how to meme too, guys,” she captioned the photo.

Shortly afterwards, American poet and activist Cleo Wade re-posted the photo in her Instagram Story calling the actress an “icon” for creating her own vibrator.

Paltrow then re-shared that post and wrote, “Had to pass the time, you know?”

Fellow actress Drew Barrymore commented, “Oh my God, I love you.”

The third surprise arrived in my email in-box. The principal of the youngest’s school invited me to a virtual Personal Best Assembly on February 25 to recognise her achievements during Semester 2 of 2020.

The youngest has no idea what it’s for. I haven’t been invited to a school assembly since the eldest came first in art in year 8. Actually, that might be the only time I’ve been invited to a school assembly.

Stay tuned for more exciting details.

Actually, there were four startling things. ALDI is releasing Hot Cross Bun Gin Liqueur for $19.99 for Easter.

Get. In. My. Belly!

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