You’re the mac in my cheese

Forget heart-shaped chocolates and bouquets of overpriced roses, celebrate this Valentine’s Day with pink Kraft Mac & Cheese.

OK, I’m leading you on – it’s (fortunately) not an option that’s on the table in Australia.

I was delightedly horrified last night to discover that its a prize for lovestruck Americans. Yep, they have the chance to win themselves some limited-edition Candy Kraft Mac & Cheese to eat on February 14.

Ewwwww! I’m calling it: COVID-19 madness has officially hit a new high.

“Candy Kraft Mac & Cheese is made with the same cheesy Kraft Mac & Cheese Americans know and love, but includes a candy flavour packet to turn the mac & cheese pink and add hints of sweet candy flavour,” the food company raves.

“No more noodling on what gift to buy. There is no better way to show your love this Valentine’s Day than saying ‘you’re the mac to my cheese’ with Candy Kraft Mac & Cheese.”

Those disturbingly pink noodles reminded me I’ve had some shocker Valetine’s Days in my time.

There was the date with my ex at the fancy French restaurant in Surry Hills, where the woman at the next table kept screeching with outrage about things being “f@#king raw’ all the way through dinner.

Then there was Valentine’s Day 2014, when my husband got the keys to his bachelor pad after announcing three days earlier that he was leaving me.

I miscarried my Mirena – a birth control device, not the name of an ill-fated child – the following year. It’s a plastic anchor-shaped thing that was in my uterus to try and mitigate my lady plumbing problems. My body decided to violently expel it late on Valentine’s night.

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? While it’s not usually big on my social calendar, but it’s on a Sunday this year, so I might swing a date with DD.

DD is not a romantic and uses something I said in the early days of our relationship as an excuse. I told him that I didn’t “do mush” on our second date.

I was a bit freaked out in those early days because it was only six months after my marriage had folded and I was a bit lairy about getting into something I couldn’t get back out of again, due to me being incapable of saying no.

Six years later, the “I don’t do mush” line is tossed back at me whenever I get gooey.

DD prefers to show his love in practical ways: painting my deck, getting me a mammogram referral, that sort of thing.

It’s very sweet … fortunately not in a pink cheese kind of way …

Song of the day: ABC “All of my heart”