I failed

I failed at job hunting yesterday. Well, I explored a few leads, but my follow through was bit wobbly.

Contemplating your next move is such a huge thing. Should you grab whatever you can get in the short term or hold out for “the one”? Should you go freelance or search for something that’s full time? Is the role too junior or too senior? Will you have all the right skills?

The indecision twisted me in knots. Then it hit me that last week’s shite sandwich was my fourth retrenchment.

Redundancy is such a downer, it never gets any easier. Experts reckon the most common reaction to job loss is physical shock accompanied by some of the classic symptoms associated with grief – disbelief, denial, anger, feeling stunned, becoming withdrawn, loss of confidence, and a feeling of ‘why me?’

Yup, sounds about right.

Looking at LinkedIn yesterday just made me feel anxious. So DD suggested I spend the day painting instead. He took the day off work and brought down a cornucopia of equipment to build some screening for my new deck.

While he sawed and drilled, I painted the rafters. Well, I painted about half of them. There are soooooooo many and it’s looking like they’ll need about three coats because the wood is soaking up the paint like nobody’s business.

After many hours of hard yakka, our backs were killing us and my shins were covered in bruises from the ladder.

I’m thrilled with our progress, but we were knackered by the time we finally sat down to dinner at 8pm.

I cooked DD lamb meatballs in butterbean and tomato sauce for dinner. It’s so easy and yummy – you just make meatballs with lamb mince, minced onion, fresh oregano, breadcrumbs and egg, and brown them in olive oil in a heavy-based casserole dish. Add some diced zucchini and carrot if you like, pour in a jar of passata and two drained cans of butter beans, plus a bit more oregano. Bake in oven for about 45 minutes or so, stir through olives and serve sprinkled with crumbled feta.

It’s delicious, especially if you serve it on some thickly sliced toast.

Speaking of delicious … Check out this pic of DD – self-portrait of a younger boyf! I find old snapshots of him fascinating. I stare at them, trying to imagine what it would be like to talk to the man in the picture – would he be a complete stranger or would I recognise the essence of him under all that dark hair?

So many questions, so few answers.

Song of the day: Howard Jones “Things can only get better”