Missing in action

I was in the middle of a video call with the PR team at Treasury Wine Estates yesterday when the youngest texted me, asking for a lift from the bus stop to skipping training.

I had completely forgotten about skipping training. I’d almost forgotten I had kids.

Actually, that’s not true, I just have to step into the kitchen to be reminded I have children – their trail of culinary destruction is very memorable.

While the mess infuriates me, I’m also dazzled by the youngest’s culinary prowess. The homemade spinach fettucine she made this week was amazing, then she turned around and whipped herself up a bowl of homemade tomato flavoured fettucine for her lunch the next day. Yesterday morning she made pancakes for breakfast. Last night she made pizzas from scratch for our dinner.

I‘ve digressed … it was pretty entertaining to tell the TWE girls that I needed to wind the meeting up because my teenager needed a lift to skipping training. They thought it was totally left-field and awesome. So I threw in a little boast about her being an Australian champion for good measure. Resting on my child’s laurels …

I wanted to take the youngest to skipping because I haven’t given her much attention these school holidays. I was meant to have Fridays off to spend time with the kids, but I’ve been too busy with work. They’ve been left to fend for themselves.

This hasn’t always gone well. The eldest put the bar heater too close to the rat cage and melted the base slightly, resulting in him being woken by rodents licking his toes two nights in a row.

Can. You. Imagine?

On the subject of can you imagine-y things … the youngest served her handmade pizza to her exhausted mother on the couch last night, then we watch another in a loooooooong line of inappropriate movies together. Boy can I pick ’em.

This one was called The Change Up, starring Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman. Aside from every second word being f#@k, it also included the filming of a soft porn scene with Ryan kissing enormous fake boobs and putting his thumb somewhere X-rated and also almost having sex with a naked, nine-months-pregnant woman. Excellent choice for quality time with my child.

But it had its sweet side – it was about wishing you had another person’s life, then realizing what you love about your own when the universe puts you into their shoes. Freaky Friday with soft porn.

Fortunately I don’t need to switch into someone else’s shoes to realize what I love about my life. But I’d quite like a few nights in the shoes of someone with better sleep patterns.

Got any appropriate movie suggestions for me?

Song of the day: The Pretenders “Hymn to Her”