The unexpected milestones

Remember the baby milestones? First smile, rolling over, crawling …

I’ve discovered middle age has them too: first chin hair, bifocals, bowel cancer screening kit in the mail …

I hit another one over the weekend: I laughed so hard watching comedian Dave Hughes perform at Twilight at Taronga that I peed my pants.

I can’t blame it on a weak pelvic floor from childbirth because neither of my offspring were pushed out of my nethers.

It was a garden variety, old age Tena moment.

Sexy AF.

But the damp laughter was worth it. Hughesy was hilarious, especially when he explained why snorkellers are better in bed than surfers.

I needed a laugh because … surprise … last week was FULL ON.

There was an intense, teary family discussion. There was an intense, teary lunch with a friend struggling with terrible grief. Plus, I was saddened to hear a friend had lost their father and upset that couldn’t be there for the funeral.

And then the ATO came after me because I’d applied for a single mum private health insurance rebate when I’m still married. Or something like that – god forbid they’d send you a letter in plain, simple language.

I will need to sort that one out today, but COME ON GUYS, my husband walked out on me five years ago, surely that qualifies me as a single mum? And FFS hasn’t my bank balance suffered enough lately?

I was a bit exhausted by the time I reported for duty at an International Women’s Day event at Luna Park.

It helped that I seem to know half the room at alcohol industry events these days, so it was kiss, kiss, schmooze, schmooze for the afternoon.

Then I pootled off to another International Women’s Day event for BWS and Cellarmasters, called Meet The Makers. It was organised to celebrate female distillers, brewers and winemakers and I managed to score two VIP tickets.

Unfortunately the Sydney Technology Park location wasn’t air-conditioned. So everyone looked like we were celebrating in Singapore for the night.

As I sweltered on a VIP sofa waiting for DD to bring refreshments, I was startled  to see a former colleague walking towards me – Kate from my weekly mag days.

We had the most fabulous time chatting and catching up on the last seven years since our paths last crossed. Although it seems like much less because we follow each other’s adventures on social media.

DD grabbed us some hot chips, Kate grabbed a cheese plate and we chatted up a storm until the heat finally beat us.

Bulk fun!


On Saturday, after I wrote an application for leniency over my $1400 unregistered car fine, I headed to the Twilight at Taronga Comedy Gala, which was a Chrissie present from DD’s mum.

My first tip for Twilight at Taronga: get there early.


DD hates being anywhere early, so he pit-stopped us at The Buena hotel in Mosman for a bevvy before we went to the zoo. It was a very nice bevvy, but it meant the event space was packed when we arrived, so we ended up in the boondocks beside a group of scary looking young folk who talked loudly the whole way through the show while swigging cans of Canadian & Dry.

I will never understand why people pay all that money for tickets to shows when they could just get drunk and talk for free somewhere else. But, because they were so scary looking, no one was game to tell them to SHUT UP.

My second tip: take your own food.

We didn’t get our acts together and turned up empty handed, aside from our folding chairs. So DD headed to the bar for a couple of cans of cider while I lined up for bratwurst rolls.

There were more than 2000 people at the gig, but the bratwurst bloke had decided he’d be fine to man the van on his own. Seriously.

That meant he was taking money, turning snags, ducking around the side to check the gas was still working, sticking sauerkraut and onions on rolls and handing the finished products to people singlehandedly.

It took FOR-freaking-EVER.

The queue for the organic food van wasn’t much better and also, wank.

But Hughesy and another comedian called Nick Cody were hilarious. The show ended with the Umbilical Brothers, who DD loves, but always leave me wondering how the hell they’ve made a living out of it.

I rounded out the weekend by making spaghetti and meatballs that we ate for dinner on DD’s deck after an ocean swim.

Bloody lovely.

And now, back to the grindstone.

Hope you had a good ‘un too.

Song of the day: Elton John “Your song”


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